


Nineteen Wishes

by Avogara



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Aged-Up Character(s), Banter, Birthday Sex, Cat Daddies, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Gift Giving, Guyliner, Karaoke, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Dork, M/M, Porn With Plot, Post-Canon, Post-Timeskip, Sleepwalking, Stealth Baking, Wishes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:26:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27051874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avogara/pseuds/Avogara
Summary: “November 17, 6:34 PM:‘Well, I wish you’d do something with your face, but we can’t always get what we want.’”Kenma squinted.“What’s that supposed to be?”“One of the nineteen wishes you’ve requested this year,” Kuroo stated with pride.“What?” Kenma’s face scrunched up. “...I said that?”“On my birthday last year, yes. You were responding to me saying,‘Do you have to wear that? I wish you’d dress up a little once in a while. It IS my birthday.’”“Oh yea…”—Kenma already has everything he could ever want which makes birthday gift giving challenging to say the least. This time Kuroo decides to grant him every wish he's made in the last year. Literally.In short, Kenma should be careful what he wishes for.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 46
Kudos: 184





	1. Wandering Monster

It had been Kenma Kozume's birthday for precisely three hours and thirty four minutes before he noticed this and sighed heavily. Although he was still in his late twenties there was no denying the fact that he was getting _old._

In all honesty, he had been completely absorbed with his latest vlog commentary and only just now felt satisfied enough to send it to the render queue after dedicating an entire afternoon and night to editing alone. He had spent an unfortunate amount of time fixing and re-slicing both footage and audio clips because Kuroo had helped him shoot some of it last week and wouldn't stop peppering in his own smartass commentary.

_"You won't look creepy, just smile a little! The people wanna see you smile."_

_"Do you need one of the cats to explain this bit? I think you do. One sec, I'll go get Glitch."_

_"Babe. Babe. Babe. Your hair got messed up. Yea, on the left. Your other left. No, sit tight I'll fix it!"_

_"Okay, you look constipated. Stop smiling."_

This is why he rarely ever filmed anything. 

It was a much bigger pain in the ass to set up, stage, light, frame, mic, shoot, and then spend just as much time or more tweaking and re-sequencing everything. And although he greatly appreciated his boyfriend's genuinely sincere attempt at "helping," Kuroo added a whole other layer of work because he needed to direct him on literally _everything._ That and the never shutting up thing meant Kenma had to spend an inordinate amount of time stitching together cuts that he didn't originally intend to because Kuroo had either caused him to make a sourpuss face or he asked a stupid question during what otherwise would have been perfectly fine footage. 

Kodzuken resolved to stick to his playthroughs and live streams from now on.

Kenma smashed a palm into his bleary golden eyes that were now feeling the full stinging effects from staring intensely at his glowing triple screen setup for far too long. On top of this, his fingers were feeling very weak from what they'd long suspected was a developing case of carpal tunnel, but he'd consciously chosen to ignore this on a daily basis because the fact that he might have to _do_ something about it scared the piss out of him. 

He peeked through the half numb hand on his face. There were still about fifteen minutes in the render progress bar before he could go to bed and snuggle up to the big warm panther body that laid snoring and waiting for him. 

Sometimes Kenma felt a little guilty that Kuroo had to go to sleep so early while he himself chose to stay up during the ungodly hours of the night with gaming and business. Sure, he did tuck his boyfriend in bed most nights, which usually consisted of pillow talk, cat butts, goodnight kisses, and playing with his tufts of fluffy black hair until he fell asleep. However, he knew that Kuroo wished they could see each other more than the ritual of two ships passing in the night thing that they had going during dinner. Sadly, it was pretty much the only time they saw each other on weekdays. Kenma would get back to work streaming, editing, or strategizing for BB Corp after food time and Kuroo was moderately good about not interrupting his flow during these hours of self-scheduled solitary confinement.

Suddenly, the door slammed open behind Kenma causing him to jump so badly that he smacked the wrist that wasn't preoccupied with reviving his eyes right into the underside of his desk. 

_"Shit_ , ow ow owwww…" Kenma hissed as he doubled over in his custom pro series ergonomic gaming chair.

Footsteps shuffled over to him barefoot and heavy on the tatami.

 _"Kuroo?"_ Kenma ground out in pain and irritation, still clutching the blunt but overwhelming ache in his poor wrist. He was going to feel _that_ one in tomorrow’s stream.

Looking up he realized that his boyfriend was mumbling hazily under his breath and oddly had his eyes closed. He resembled a zombie more than the living, although notably he still had all the finely cut muscle and smooth skin of a non-undead humanoid which was on full glorious display because Kuroo habitually slept in his underwear. 

"Kuro… what are you doing?" Kenma asked more softly this time, switching to the old childhood nickname he so rarely used anymore unless he was feeling particularly empathetic, sentimental, or really just wanted to butter up his boyfriend for one reason or another. The softness in his voice barely masked the tiniest traces of concern that seeped in because Kuroo always slept like a gigantic immovable rock unless something was actually _wrong_. 

But the royally rooster-headed blocker just stood there before his boyfriend continuing to mumble incoherently to himself. He leaned down enough to envelop Kenma's head in his warm bare arms—patting the dark roots of his long sloppy-bunned hair a few times before placing a kiss squarely on top of them.

"You alright?" The gamer asked sincerely while Kuroo kept muttering. This time his nonsense disappeared into Kenma's hoodied shoulder as the blocker seemed to be melting down on top of him. His back bent painfully low while the rest of him still stood slumped in front of the gaming chair.

Now that Kuroo's face was uncomfortably smashed into the crook of Kenma's neck, the small cat tried to reach for his boyfriend's forehead beneath the feathery mussed-up fringe but instead his inner wrist was met with a sneaky kiss.

"No, imm fine hnn phmn… Hit your wrisht, hmn?" Kuroo's deep voice asked in a dreamy daze. Lips rumbling against the veins between Kenma's smartwatch and sweater cuff. His temperature felt fine.

"I did. It's okay... I just didn't expect you to be up is all. You have work today. You should go back to bed," the former setter told him with the same sort of neutral yet mildly concerned tone as before. 

Kenma trailed his chilled fingers down the cheek structure and boney angles of Kuroo's virtually sleeping face. Sifting his nails along his boyfriend's scalp on the sides through the shorter strands of sleep-crazed black hair with affectionate precision. He lingered a moment to scratch behind his ears because Kuroo secretly loved to be touched there. Somehow this big lug could find his way to the office down the hall with his eyes closed, but finding his way back to bed was about as likely as Kuroo sprouting cat ears and a matching tail.

"Mmnhn, birthday ffnm jerhnm ofph..." Zombie Kuroo explained with another sluggish kiss, this time imprinting warmly into Kenma's collarbone just above his hoodie pull strings.

"You know I can't understand you like this," the semi blonde sighed fondly through his nose.

Kenma began to smooth his hands down his boyfriend's broad naked shoulders thinking he could probably just steer him back to their room with minimal effort this way...

But then Kuroo full on dead-weighted to his knees.

"Umph! _Kuroo!_ What the—" 

The tall cat was now slumped in his boyfriend's lap—cheek smushed awkwardly atop Kenma's thigh, one long arm wrapping around his waist, the other lazily clutching at his sweatpants. 

Kenma's heart had momentarily flashed hot with panic, which was now disappearing into pulsing little flutters.

He _thought_ Kuroo had passed out cold which would have been a freaking nightmare because clearly he wasn't strong enough to either catch him OR get him back to their room. Kenma would have had to resort to throwing a few blankets over him and leaving his snoring ass on the floor until morning. Fortunately though, this wasn't needed because Kuroo was very much conscious enough to be tugging at the band of elastic hidden beneath his BB Corp hoodie while reverently nuzzling his crotch.

"Wha-what are you doing?" The gamer hesitated, but Kuroo only hummed more to himself and pressed his nose into Kenma's formerly soft but now quite interested dick. 

This was not how he anticipated starting his birthday.

Kenma involuntarily gulped and tried to think straight.

"Hey… I, um… I think you're sleepwalking. Let's just get you—"

Kenma bit down hard on his lower lip as he tried in vain to suppress the deep, throaty moan that escaped him because his boyfriend's big wandering monster of a mouth had managed to locate his brand new boner through the soft folds of his sweatpants.

 _"Kuroooo,"_ the small cat groaned half in annoyance and half in mounting fiery heat from the electric sparks of horny affection currently lighting up his groin.

But Kuroo's mouth was neither making excuses nor giving him answers. It had one mission and that was apparently sucking him even harder through the fabric so that there were actual smears of saliva soaking dark into the light gray cotton. His AOE attack was super effective.

"Wha, hah… hah… uhm..."

It was very hard to do words at the moment. Kenma's mind was blue-screening as hard as his dick had become under Kuroo's impromptu late night birthday assault. The blood was rushing down so quickly that his short-circuiting brain started to get lightheaded in anticipation. He could feel beads of precum starting to dot the inside of his boxer briefs as the unsolicited friction succeeded in making him eager and thick with want. Goosebumps scattershotted across his legs, around his ass, and on up his fully-clothed and perpetually skinny torso. He wanted to grab Kuroo's head and grind right into his fucking mumbling cockteasing mouth.

Instead, he used the very last of his patience and cognitive abilities to clasp both of Kuroo's cheeks in his palms and direct his gaze up at him.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Kenma asked slowly and seriously as he tried with all his might to ignore the horny nightmare Kuroo so arrogantly barged in and created. 

But… he _did_ look asleep. Mostly. So frickin' weird...

"Hmn suhhin dissth manm..." Kuroo somehow both sleepily and belligerently reasoned without skipping a beat.

"Come on. Full sentences," Kenma encouraged wanting to shake him like the Gudetama magic 8-ball he had somewhere on one of his bookcases full of relic hard copies of games he'd beaten over the years.

"Yer birstday hmnn…" The blocker shot back groggily from the small cat's lap. His eyes were still closed but his features had crinkled into a look of defiant audacity.

"Yea?" Kenma couldn't help smiling the tiniest bit. So _that's_ what was going on.

"Hnmm birfday boy… phmmn fnmn blow jopsh hn…"

The semi blonde had to really bite back a grin now because _holy_ _shit_ Kuroo was too much sometimes. He couldn't know this though, otherwise it would inflate his already fat head.

"Kuro," Kenma tried to say in his most sincere _"Take me seriously"_ voice. "You do not have to wake up in the middle of the night to give me a blow job just because it's my birthday..." 

Kenma stroked his fingers through the perpetually soft wilds of Kuroo's hair feeling highly amused that his boyfriend would get up at such a heinous hour to personally make sure his first birthday experience of the day was a good dick sucking. He wasn't kidding around earlier when he said it would be the best birthday yet. 

God, what a goob.

"Pfffsht," Kuroo scoffed at his boyfriend's obvious out. He tipped his head from side to side in Kenma's hands like he was carrying out the rest of his argument mentally. 

Kuroo wasn't a very good quitter.

"Okay, then you don't need to give me one _now._ It can wait until you're conscious enough to not bite my dick off," Kenma offered in what he wished was sarcasm despite now having a significant pool of throbbing desire flooding his sweats just below Kuroo's chin.

"Pffph! _Bite..._ shmnsh! Mime more talented menhn dat babe…" Kuroo argued more or less coherently.

Kenma sighed and kissed his forehead through the dark strands of ridiculous freshly-pillowed fringe. 

"What am I going to do with you?" Kenma whispered more to himself as he now leaned his forehead down against his crazy boyfriend's without letting go of him. He smelled like the tea tree body wash he'd bought because it had "antimicrobial properties." Kenma supported anything that would nullify his sporadic bacne and make his feet stink less.

"Hmn... mnbe phuck my faesh?" Kuroo's deep voice rumbled with amusement as he pressed his open and grinning lips against Kenma's own—melding into a series of sloppy slow kisses he wasn't really known for.

Kenma's dick jumped.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

"Uhm," Kenma panted hot and reluctant into Kuroo's mischievous mouth as they just barely broke apart, his boyfriend still sucking the vacant air. He tasted vaguely like toothpaste from hours ago. 

But before he could finish that thought, Kuroo's frenzied bedhead lowered once again to busy himself in his lap.

 _"Kuroo._ I—oh god... I-I'll let you blow me later, okay? I don't want you falling asleep on my—"

Something awfully similar to a snore erupted loudly from below. He glanced down to see the tall cat's big dumb mouth hanging open on the outline of his still-clothed cock.

"This is ridiculous," Kenma huffed then shoved Kuroo's shoulders in earnest to get him off so that they could go to bed and he could just take care of this himself. Goddamn Kuroo and his overconfident, troublemaking—

"What? What, no, no, I'm awake! I'm awake," Kuroo suddenly snapped to a slightly higher level of alertness after being jerked almost entirely off his boyfriend's thighs. He looked like he'd just been startled from a dream. 

"D- _myaaaa_ -do you not want to babe?" He asked through a huge yawn as his grabby fingers stretched around and kneaded contentedly at the small of Kenma's back beneath his hoodie.

"What's it look like?" Kenma deadpanned down at him.

Kuroo blinked some of the sleep from his eyes and surveyed Kenma's sizable problem between his legs.

"It looks like you need assistance," he stated matter of factly.

"Whose fault is that?" The semi blonde rolled his golden eyes and then shoved Kuroo's forehead lightly. His dick was absolutely _aching_ for attention now and if Kuroo was just going to keep running his mouth—

 _"Kenma!_ I'm trying to work magic here. Do you mind?" Kuroo bounced back immediately from Kenma’s weak attack to his face and then dodged the retaliatory follow-up flick to his ear.

"Well, you're doing a shitty job at it," Kenma muttered feeling flustered and tired and annoyingly turned on.

"Oyaaa, you should at least give me a chance to do a _good_ job then," Kuroo purred, unfazed by the insult entirely.

The blocker's skillfully playful fingers slipped into his boyfriend's boxers to grope the cool fleshy curve of his soft cheeks. Tugging with an indulgent insistence that had Kenma's cock pleading something along the lines of _"Don't be a fool Kozume—let the man prove himself!"_

And to think it was normally Kuroo who blindly followed his dick.

"It's your birthday," Kuroo continued in a rich sultry tone, carefully sliding both Kenma's sweats and his underwear down his ass to his gaming chair. "You deserve to have everything you wish for yanno..."

"I wish you'd either shut up or hurry up," the gamer grunted and then sharply gasped as his sweatpants were abruptly yanked halfway down his scrawny pale thighs.

Kuroo seemed to continue to take this wish quite literally because the next moment consisted of him shucking the rest of the pesky layers to Kenma's knees exposing way too much skin too fast in the cool office air. 

The semi blonde shivered, though not entirely because of the sudden exposure to the room that was warmer than the rest of the house because of his electronics but cooler than the cozy cotton pants by comparison. Kuroo was planting reverent little kisses along the sensitive skin of his inner thighs, easing them apart as he went while holding on firmly to one bare cheek and one boney hip. Here and there he stopped to suck in a mark or a frisky nip, both of which Kenma fidgeted at because he was more than a little ticklish much to his own aggravation. The tall cat's fingertips sank even more firmly into the flesh of his ass and love handle as the intensity of the marking increased, moving steadily closer and closer to the pretty pink thing leaking eagerly between his legs. 

The gaming chair hit against the edge of the desk having nowhere else to go.

Kenma was already entirely too wet by the time Kuroo's traitorous nose _finally_ buried itself in the soft hairs at his core. Tufts of bedhead tickled his belly but this was nothing compared to the sensation of Kuroo's mouth licking lazily at his base before moving excruciatingly slow down his full throbbing length.

Kenma choked on another embarrassingly soul-shattering groan watching his boyfriend lift up off of him enough to see the curves of his slick head slip in between Kuroo's soft, smackable lips. The hand at his waist dragged smoothly over his near trembling thigh, then disappeared to gently cup his balls. Now Kenma not only had to deal with his boyfriend's creative tonguework sparking miracles on his shaft but also this insanely synchronized, rhythmic rocking which would absolutely be ending things sooner rather than later.

If that weren't enough to make matters worse Kuroo was now literally moaning— _moaning_ —around his dick sending vocal vibrations on through his length as he swallowed him centimeter by goddamn centimeter. The sensations were borderline unbearable as the crafty blocker flicked his tongue all around him, pausing to pay particular attention to the bundle of pleasure nerves on the underside of his head. Fireworks ran up through Kenma’s body and although Kuroo was driving him absolutely insane with his ever-talented tongue he vaguely wished that this was not happening in his gaming chair because he’d never be able to look at it the same way again. Hello workplace distractions.

It was when Kuroo’s balls-free hand got involved that Kenma started to lose it because now his boyfriend was essentially dual-wielding some of his most lethal weapons: his skin-punishing monster mouth and dexterous trickster's fingers. Jerking him confidently yet carefully into all of that heat and pressure and slippery friction. 

Then Kenma heard it.

The vibrating moans died off and Kuroo was… Kuroo was _humming._

That dork was humming around him as casually as if he were washing dishes, but somehow this tune sounded much more upbeat than even that usually did. Kenma swore to god he would kill him later if he found out it was something fucking stupid like Raiders of the Lost Arc. What was _wrong_ with him...

These thoughts immediately dissipated in the next moment though because Kuroo decided he was going to skim his teeth over Kenma's completely overstimulated manhood. Every other language-based cognition was now lost to time and space as Kuroo jerked him hard into the oblivion that was his ridiculously talented smartass mouth. Finally critting Kenma over that bright shining edge of ecstasy as he convulsed and spilled inside him shutting that stupid hum up for good.

The fully rendered video happily chimed its completion.

Kenma didn’t know when he’d closed his eyes but he regretted being able to more clearly hear the disgustingly slick and awkward pop of Kuroo pulling off. Panting raggedly under his breath he forced himself to peer down at his boyfriend who unfortunately had a look of very smug satisfaction as he licked his lower lip and wiped a quick thumb across his chin.

“Mmm…”

“Don’t say it,” Kenma warned in groggy monotone, more tired than irritated at this point. 

“Don’t say what?” Kuroo asked with faux innocence, sounding much more awake than he had in the last ten minutes.

"Just… don't," the gamer sighed, rolling his head back onto his destroyed sloppy bun and hood as he caught his breath.

"Was it a good surprise?" The mischievous tall cat sounded so goddamn full of himself.

"Yea," Kenma conceded, too exhausted to bicker with him at the moment. He blindly reached for his pants at his knees, but then Kuroo pulled them all the way off.

"What're you…"

"You should change into something else babe. Pretty sure I had you dealing major damage to your—"

"Okay," the small cat yawned as he got up pantsless but still sporting his hoodie which covered him enough not to feel too weird about it. His butt was still halfway exposed but whatever.

Kuroo opened his grinning mouth to say more, but Kenma reached up and patted his lips softly.

"Tell me in the morning. Bed now."

"Okay," Kuroo whispered, drawing him into a hug by the shoulder and kissing the top of his multi-colored head once again.

As Kenma felt the sheets tuck cozily up around his shoulders beside his blazing warm lover that night he had no idea that this was only the beginning of one very odd birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, what started as some good old birthday friskiness for Kenma turned into a whole lot more fluffy, bantery, sweet stuff which turned it into a multi-chapter fic because that’s what these dudes do. Professional tangent-makers I swear...
> 
> Anyway, this is already shaping up to be at least another few chapters long, so let’s keep celebrating Kenma’s birthday until it’s Kuroo’s haha...
> 
> Noobie on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/avogara) now too!


	2. Magic Beans

It was the incredible heat that made Kenma stir unusually early that drizzly autumn morning. 

Although he had about three more blankets, a backup heating pad, and sometimes a cat on his side of the bed, the former setter wasn't used to waking up with sweat clinging to his skin. Normally he never got too hot because he was cursed with a perpetual chill that Kuroo took it upon himself to destroy on sight. A boyfriendly code of honor or something like that he said. And this was absolutely fine by Kenma because being cold was 100% insufferable and in the top three on the _Banes of Kenma Kozume's Existence_ list. Right up there with too much social interaction and enduring embarrassing public scrutiny (which there was a 30% chance of every time they went out thanks to a certain tall cat, bonus multipliers took effect if owls or crows were involved too).

So whether it was folding Kenma into an enormous blankie burrito, a good solid hug, or his own pre-warmed and oversized jacket, Kuroo made sure his boyfriend always had a way to warm up quickly even if he had to sacrifice his own skin to the ice gods that were his fingers after a six hour stream.

Which is why the sensation now was so odd. He was never this warm without Kuroo.

Kenma didn't really mind this though, and sleep was still heavy on his eyes and in his bones. It also didn't help matters that their bed was _incredibly_ comfortable ever since they (Kenma) had splurged on a crazy expensive, top-of-the-line, _"You're probably going to die in this,"_ forever mattress. 

Kuroo originally raised his eyebrows at the purchase because Kenma's hypocritical butt usually hated dropping loads of cash on most things even if they could afford to, but this was apparently in the "comfort" category so obviously it passed the frugality check. Although his general tightwadness didn't stop him from going rogue with his money for "business-related" things because he could write it off in his taxes or count it as "strategic investment" (code for whatever he damn well felt like spending it on without explaining to Kuroo or the BB Corp accounts payable guy). Hinata got hella lucky there back in the day.

In any case, having such a luxuriously cozy bed made it an epic battle each day to find the motivation to move, which is why Kenma had zero intentions of getting up at the moment despite the strange presence of so much heat. In fact, he'd begun to drift back into dream territory in order to ignore it. Flashes of blast canons, fire spells, and dancing meme cats mixed strangely in his mind.

_"ACHOO!"_

In a split second, golden feline eyes snapped wide open as Kenma instinctively startled away from the sound—heart racing, covers jerked awkwardly, sweat dampening the pits of his baggy sleep tee that his boyfriend had forced him to change into before zonking out.

...Kuroo was still here.

In bed with him.

On a _weekday?_

WTF...

"Hey gorgeous," Kuroo's groggy deep voice greeted him followed by a sniff and a downright brilliant smile. Dark feathery tufts were as wild as ever atop his pillow adjacent to Kenma's own and he still looked a bit sleep deprived but thoroughly pleased with himself all the same. 

It was not the look of an innocent man.

"Mm, Kuro..?" Kenma squinted in mild disbelief through the dimmed mid-morning rainlight of their messy bedroom. "What're you… what're you doing home?"

Kuroo scooted his mostly naked body closer to him under the covers. One hand smoothed across the sheets to find Kenma's own smaller one and laced into place palm to warm palm where it belonged. Simultaneously, the other brushed back the long and getting longer stray hairs from his boyfriend's face, right on through the rest of his black and gold mane until he cupped the back of Kenma’s head and drew him into a deep and loving kiss.

Kenma sighed contently through his nose as his lips melted against Kuroo's in little synchronized waves.

"You know it's a crime for you to look this good at your age, birthday boy," Kuroo rumbled against him, ignoring his question entirely and nuzzling gently into his cheek with his nose. He laid another purposeful kiss there because Kenma’s cheeks, specifically, were so irresistible it hurt. His fingers absentmindedly kneaded the silky duotones much to the small cat's pleasure.

Secretly, Kenma enjoyed the head scratches just as much as Kuroo’s obsessive kisses. Not that he would readily admit it to just anyone, but he absolutely loved when his boyfriend played with his hair in the meandering, casual way that he did when it was just the two of them together. There were so many countless times over the years he had lounged around with a game in his hands only to have his head gravitate silently towards Kuroo's lap or at the very least near enough so that those hands could tussle, brush, and sort through his layers of lazily dyed hair. The motion of his fingers was almost like a sort of restoration magic—melting Kenma's stress away and leaving a drool-worthy sensation of comfort in its place. Sometimes he fell asleep to them. 

"So are you playing hookie today then?" Kenma asked, trying and failing to resist a smile as Kuroo pressed kiss after slow kiss onto his cheeks, nose, temple, jaw, and then to his ear which he damn well knew was incredibly ticklish. 

"Maybe I am," Kuroo mumbled against his skin before he playfully nibbled it. 

The semi blonde flinched with sensitivity, but revelled in the affection all the same. It was really something special to be loved by Kuroo in this way. He tried never to forget that because he knew what it was like to go without it. All the times he had (like his third year of high school, the summer when Kuroo studied abroad in New York, and when Kenma had a month long multi-country trip for BB Corp that couldn't be avoided) he painfully ached and missed these soft touches that reassured him that yes, of course he was loved unconditionally by this man and no, he shouldn't question it, overthink it, or worry about it.

Kenma squirmed and let out a little sound of protest but they both knew he didn't want Kuroo to stop cuddling or kissing him. He actually kicked off the sheets in order to make up for the fact that he was burying himself deeper into his toasty arms and onto his boyfriend's pillow.

"Is the World-Famous Kodzuken actually too _hot_ this morning?" Kuroo noted blowing on his face which had little damp baby fine hairs around the edges.

"No,” Kenma stated immediately because he didn’t want to move. He liked being caged between Kuroo's biceps with a perfect view of his man tibbies.

“You’re right, you’re hot _every_ morning,” Kuroo laughed, pecking his forehead with another forceful smooch.

“You are so cheesy,” the former setter admonished him but still ran his fingers up his broad bare chest enjoying the smooth radiant curves of taunt muscle. His hand drifted to his broad blocker's back and settled to clutch him just under his shoulder blade. “I just didn't expect you to be here today... and you're like a furnace right now."

"Well, I've been running around trying to get stuff ready for you babe. At least I showered," the tall cat laughed warmly again. He sure was in a good mood already.

“You showered but you didn’t brush your teeth?” Kenma skeptically accused, serving some serious golden side eye while he was at it.

“How would you know that?” Kuroo shot back, amused more than anything else.

"Because you still have dick breath.” 

If Kenma was being even more brutally honest, the blow was nice and so were the kisses but that didn’t magically make his mouth taste or smell any better.

 _"Oho?”_ Kuroo cocked his crazy roosterhead to the side of his pillow and ran his tongue experimentally across his teeth. “Yanno, I think I might have a hair in there too," he mused conversationally.

"Oh my god, go brush your teeth," Kenma shoved Kuroo’s face away while shaking his head, a slight smile creeping onto his lips despite himself. 

"Yes _sir_ , birthday boy!” The grinning tall cat chimed, fingers switching quickly to claw mode to rough up Kenma’s hair in retaliation. 

Dodging Kenma's counter-counter kick attack, Kuroo bounded up out of bed only to immediately trip over the dirty clothes he so annoyingly insisted on leaving on the floor just like he used to do in Kenma's room back home. Aside from the bad habit itself, it also didn't help that he'd yet to put his glasses on. Regardless, he sprung up with the same unbridled enthusiasm and Kenma watched the man in the tight crimson boy shorts disappear into the ensuite bathroom humming something that sounded suspiciously similar to whatever dick song he was headlining last night.

Smelly breath aside, it was really nice to have Kuroo here on his birthday. Even if Kenma still had to work. His boyfriend's presence would make the house feel lively and more special than the quiet stillness that usually preceded him coming home each night. They could have lunch together today too and Kenma was ready to eat the hell out of this year's homemade apple pie. He wondered what theme the little extra dough shapes decorating the top would be. Often they were silly little animals or stars or something equally cute and simple, but last year he had printed out a classic Maru cat meme as reference and it wasn't half bad for him having really shitty artistic sensibilities. Or at the very least the bad was charming in the same way that a four year old’s scribbles would be.

Kenma stretched languidly atop the covers listening to the buzz of Kuroo's electric toothbrush while trying not to cringe. To his complete and utter mortification it had once been mistaken for a vibrator by his mom when Kuroo had come home during his first year of uni and to this day the sound still gave him post-mortem embarrassment. Nope, just good dental hygiene mom. Not a sex toy. Totally don’t have… those. 

To distract himself from the awkward memories he had tried unsuccessfully to repress, Kenma snatched his phone from the side table.

"So many today…" The gamer muttered, swiping through the list of all the app notifications from his top nav.

Notifications weren't odd in and of themselves, but every one of his social apps were blowing up like crazy. Even though it _was_ his birthday he never got birthday spammed (other than from the usual friends and family who gave a shit) because he'd intentionally never released that information to the public. Kenma liked to keep his private life as separate as humanly possible and that included his birthday, his relationships, and literally anything that didn't have to do with gaming or his startup business. They didn't need to know the man behind the scrub-slaughtering pixels.

Okay, _maybe_ he occasionally let a cat or two on live stream because their fluffy calico and silky black shorthair were absolutely adorable and sometimes broke into his office mid-game, but that was ALL the Kodzuken personal life people were getting out of him. He would continue to ignore any and all speculation on "that tall guy who always bugs you about drinking more water."

Kenma was checking his stocks and ignoring all the little red app badges and dots when he heard Kuroo pad heavily out of the bathroom. The expensive bed barely moved as the big lanky panther body flopped heavily back down on it. He pawed at Kenma's bare thighs for attention, flicking up the hem of his sleep tee.

Kenma did his normal glance and revert back to whichever screen he was focusing on, but this time he did a double take.

“...What is on your face?" Kenma asked point blank.

Kuroo, dear blessed idiotic Kuroo, was now sporting a wicked smile and dark accentuated makeup around his eyes with the corners brushed out into tiny mischievous flares. What was that called? A cat eye? Why did he know this?

Kenma bit his lip to keep from smiling.

“Guyliner,” Kuroo admitted as if this were entirely a normal thing, which it wasn’t. "Anyway, I thought we could do some things together today! That's why I took off work."

"Right," Kenma blinked, unable to stop staring at the strange but fairly attractive edges of Kuroo’s sparkling eyes. "But I didn't. You know I stream every—"

"You took off too," the blocker interrupted, causing Kenma to raise a highly skeptical eyebrow. "I had your assistant cancel for you."

 _"_ You _WHAT?"_

"Don't get mad! It's your birthday, you can't be expected to work! Besides, apparently people are over the moon to find out it's your birthday, see?"

Kuroo whipped out his phone and brought up a post under the verified Kodzuken username. 

_Birthday today, streaming next week. See you all then._

Kenma vaguely remembered giving his virtual assistant his social logins in case of emergencies, but _this_ was not what he had in mind.

"They didn't know my birthday before..." The small cat stared incredulously at the rising numbers of likes, shares, DMs, and tweets.

"Yea, go figure right?" Kuroo chuckled.

"I didn't _want_ them to know..." 

"Uh… what? _Why?"_ The tall cat furrowed his brows, the expression amplified by the mysterious liner.

"Because it's none of their _business_..." Kenma moaned.

"Dude, it's just a birthday. And they're lovin' it! What harm is a little extra birthday love? You _deserve_ all the hearts and emojis Kenma. Lotta stupid funny GIFs in the mix too. There's a few cat ones even I haven't—OI, what are you doing?"

Kenma was nose down on his phone typing something in and then proceeded to shove the screen in Kuroo's face.

"What am I looking at?"

"Use your eyes."

"Kenma, despite the +1 to my face from this fabulous midnight liquid liner, I can't see better."

"Your other eyes," Kenma reiterated, trying not to roll his own.

Kuroo retrieved his black framed glasses from his nightstand and failed at not looking like an old guy as he squinted.

"Wikipedia?"

"Wikipedia."

"So?"

"So every time a piece of information is leaked like this it makes its way onto there. Permanently. And everywhere else—social media, news sites, even fucking fanfiction... Everywhere people nerd out. You can't take anything _back_ once it's out there."

Kuroo snorted like the dork he is and scoffed, "Fanfiction, _really_ Kenma? I'm sorry, but _nobody_ writes fanfiction about you. That just—"

"It’s going to be like this every year now... “ Kenma realized in monotoned horror staring at his phone. “People aren’t going to shut up for the entire month… They’re going to find ways to send gifts… They might stalk you home and find our house… Goddammit, I’m going to have to retire early," Kenma groaned with a hand to his face gripping his messy multi-colored bangs.

Retirement sounded absolutely delightful to Kuroo, but he knew Kenma was too much of an obsessive-compulsive manic workaholic to do that so he pressed on.

"But why does your birthday matter specifically? It seems pretty benign," Kuroo tried to reason, tugging the phone out of Kenma’s hands and tossing it farther away from him atop the white and heather geometric comforter.

"I don't want people to know everything about my life. You already know that... Now they're going to read into shit like my horoscope and other dumb—"

"Well you are fairly anti-social for a libra."

Kenma deadpanned up at his insane boyfriend through his fingers.

"That's what I _mean._ Now there's all this speculation that there wasn't before. You fed the beast. Now they'll only want more..."

"Alright, no offense babe, but I think _you_ think that people care _way_ more than they actually do. It’s not like you’re some mega hot trendsetting daddy of the tech and gaming world or anything special like—are you even listening to me?"

Kenma had snatched his phone back up off the covers and Kuroo made a grab to get it back. The small cat deflected the unarmed strike with a huffed shoulder, turning away from him and tapping the screen vigorously with his thumbs.

"You're overthinking this little kitty. It's not the end of the world," the rooster-headed fool hung his arms over his boyfriend's shoulders, torso weighing heavy and overheated down on him.

"Mars to Kenma? Do you copy? Over?" Kuroo closed his eyes and nudged his nose into the soft spot where Kenma's jaw met his neck making the gamer flinch his head in that direction. 

When Kuroo opened his eyes he recoiled slightly because Kenma had shoved his phone entirely too close to his face. This time instead of the internet encyclopedia it had a list of news articles that were all published that day. Kuroo blinked, frowning and still hanging over his boyfriend's back like a big koala as he brought a casual finger up to swipe through the extent of them.

"Except I am… all of those things. Kinda…" 

Kenma stared into his lap as Kuroo took the phone and shifted his body weight up off his boyfriend. He thumbed through the endless headlines and links to gaming publications, tech mags, fan posts, blogs, and the like. 

“What did you think the ‘World-Famous’ in ‘World-Famous Kodzuken’ stood for?” Kenma grumbled bitterly. 

Part of him sort of regretted not fully explaining the extent of his global fanbase to Kuroo before now. Generally, Kenma didn’t go into a ton of detail about his gaming persona with him because it was BB Corp things he needed to bitch about more often. Gaming was still largely fun even if it had initially been an adjustment to let people watch him do it. He didn't have to see their faces though and that made a world of difference. They were just numbers and chats. Numbers and chats that Kuroo had pretty much stayed oblivious to all this time because the internet was "super toxic" and he'd been forbidden to go capslock apeshit on any other fans for writing hateful garbage to Kenma like he did when he first started his YouTube channel back in college. In Kuroo's mind, the internet was best used for things like learning how to cook new recipes, watching international volleyball matches and other sports, and sending stupid GIFs back and forth with Bokuto.

“World-Famous? I kinda always thought it was a joke," Kuroo answered absent-mindedly to Kenma’s indignant scoff as he kept scrolling. "Oookay, yea, this is a lot of press..."

“Yea...”

“Wait, so if you _are_ some kinda god-tier gamer slash influencer hottie then—”

“A shit ton of people follow me,” Kenma cut him off and nabbed his phone back. “I can’t control how they react to the things about me but I can _limit_ it by not oversharing everything.”

“Huh. Geez, you must think I've been drinking the dumb fuck juice all this time."

"You're not a dumb fuck. You're just… innocent," Kenma decided. Kuroo wasn't "of the internet" and he didn't need to be for Kenma to love him like he did. In fact, it was better this way. Ignorance was bliss and Kuroo's blood pressure was a lot healthier without him flipping out over some of the shithead losers who bothered to direct baseless vile threats and slurs at him every other day.

"Okay, well… I’m sorry we let the cat out of the bag on your birthday,” Kuroo finally conceded.

“You mean you.”

“Yes, I’m sorry _I_ let the cat out of the bag on your birthday,” the pretty blocker amended.

“It’s fine…”

“It’s not.”

Kenma sighed as Kuroo drew him into a big warm mostly-naked hug, tucking his semi blonde head snuggly underneath his pointy chin. The gamer’s heart began to calm itself in the comfortable silence of the apology.

“So… why are you wearing eyeliner again?” Kenma asked after he’d done enough deep breaths in and out to try and just let this media fuckup go.

“It was one of your wishes this year,” Kuroo murmured, his throat moving against Kenma’s field of vision.

“What does that mean?” The gamer muttered, not bothering to end the hug even though he wanted to read his boyfriend’s face. He needed this hug. It was his birthday.

“Well, you’ve bought every game on the planet—”

“Have not,” Kenma mumbled.

“—and every time I get you things I think you’ll like or actually use you look at me like I’ve just spent the last of our life’s savings on magic beans,” Kuroo continued.

“I do _not._ I’ve told you a million times you don’t have to get me anything. I already have everything I want and need.”

“I know, but I like to surprise you.”

“I hate surprises.”

“I know you do, but not when they’re _good_ ones.”

 _“Especially_ when they’re good ones...”

“So this year I got you _exactly_ what you wished for,” Kuroo ignored that tangent because if there was anything he was good at in life it was Olympic-level bickering with his Best-Friend-Lover-Maybe-Someday-Husband and they didn’t have time for that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kenma pushed Kuroo away to look at him now. He didn’t like the sound of this. There was that familiar ornery-ass glint in Kuroo’s cat-like, egyptianesque eyes.

Kuroo pulled out his own phone this time. Kenma’s gaze flickered down to it then back up to his stupidly mysterious and foxy-looking boyfriend.

“November 17, 6:34 PM: _‘Well, I wish you’d do something with your face, but we can’t always get what we want.’”_

Kenma squinted. 

“What’s that supposed to be?”

“One of the nineteen wishes you’ve requested this year,” Kuroo stated with pride.

“What?” Kenma’s face scrunched up. “...I said that?” 

“On my birthday last year, yes. You were responding to me saying, _‘Do you have to wear that? I wish you’d dress up a little once in a while. It IS my birthday.’”_

“Oh yea…” Kenma mused remembering that Kuroo had gotten a reservation somewhere fancier in the city last year and scoffed when he tried to leave the house in his usual slouchy layers of homebody-ness. “You really shouldn’t police what I wear…”

“And _you_ should be careful what you wish for,” Kuroo chirped and booped his nose. 

Kenma’s face sourpussed immediately. 

“So you… you recorded everything I wished for? For a _year?”_ The former setter tried to wrap his brain around it but it was too sweet and insane to fathom. 

“Yes! I mean, some of them were text messages and some of them were _near-_ wishes, but I rounded up when it was clear that you wanted something but had no intention of doing anything about it yourself.”

“Like your face,” Kenma stated bluntly.

“Like my _face,”_ Kuroo purred with a naughty grin, eyebrows dancing high for effect. The liner moved fluidly with the pinches of smiled skin at the corners of his eyes. They were so bright against the thin accent of dark makeup. 

“So... you made a whole day of it,” the small cat stated, trying to process the fact that Kuroo had been either been baiting him to make wishes all year or he had done so unknowingly himself and who the hell knows what he might have asked for...

Kuroo nodded entirely too satisfied with himself.

“A whole day…” 

It sounded exhausting.

“Only if you want it to be,” his boyfriend clarified. “Do you _want_ to do birthday stuff with me Kenma? Or do you really want to work?”

Looking into Kuroo’s ridiculous cat eye makeup and seeing the true loving sincerity there was not Kenma’s favorite thing. Sometimes he thought he didn’t deserve all the heart Kuroo put into him, despite the blocker always trying to prove that theory unequivocally wrong.

“Um…”

In truth, Kenma did want to spend time with his boyfriend. His reluctance predominantly hung on the “surprise” aspects of all this. And honestly, he was right to be a little apprehensive because Kuroo was hands down a crafty bastard and this could go in any number of countless absurd directions. But...

But he did trust him.

“Okay,” Kenma caved softly, squeezing his eyes shut in disbelief.

Kuroo smiled that big crooked, dopey grin of his taking Kenma’s hand in his own and pulling it up to his lips to place another sweet kiss there.

“You won’t regret it babe! Best birthday ever, I promise,” the rooster-headed fool laughed, tugging him up out of the too-warm bed.

Kenma sincerely hoped that he wouldn’t hate himself later for all of this, but he had no way of knowing that because he had no clue what he had actually wished for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo what are you up to? Why do you do this to poor Kenma? What did he actually wish for???
> 
> More birthday surprises soon! Hope you're enjoying their silly antics and sass as much I as am. If so, consider leaving a kudos or a comment to let me know! Proceeds go to Kenma's sanity fund and Kuroo's instigation degree.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Tank & Spank

Kuroo _always_ destroyed his socks. 

In high school, he used to get verbally assaulted by Yaku on a near daily basis to just throw the damn things out if they had holes in them. The team would laugh as Kuroo's big toe wiggled out the tip or his nearly bare heel playfully kicked Kenma in the leg to encourage him to get changed and stop procrastinating on his phone. 

Largely though, Kenma didn't pay much attention to Kuroo's stupid holey socks back then because the club room was one place where he liked to get in and out of as quickly as humanly possible. This was due to the fact that A) he had hated being some form of naked in public, even for brief amounts of time among friends. B) The team was known to get too loud and too feisty in the small space leading to a colorful variety of "accidents." (He'd never forgive Lev for bashing his pudding head into the wall with his butt after clumsily falling backwards to catch a balled up pair of pants, the dumbass mega tall cat…) And C) Kuroo was frequently naked in there. _Naked._

Well, mostly naked, but that didn't take away from the fact that it was a problem. A big, awkward problem. Especially around so many people and especially since Kenma hadn't exactly understood just yet why he kept getting ambush boners for his best friend in broad daylight. It was confusing and embarrassing and he tried to wait for everyone to leave or he got in there quickly before the mad rush, so no, he didn't notice Kuroo's huge smelly hobo feet at the time.

But now he certainly did.

Whether he was gracing his boyfriend with a foot rub after he'd been on his feet most of the day or he was doing the laundry which never seemed to end, Kenma found that the vast majority of Kuroo's socks were afflicted with some sort of damage ranging from pinholes to full blown out shredded threads. He himself tried to trash the really terrible ones but it seemed like every time he did that he'd find another in the next basket. Not to mention he couldn't really make pairs out of most of them anymore. 

The small cat wondered at what point Kuroo would stop being a careless, ratty manchild and level up to something more durable. Although the irony wasn't lost on him that he too still occasionally wore his Nekoma sweats with the knee blasted out, but that was _different_ because it was sentimental and cozy AF. Also, Kuroo was _better_ than that. Kuroo left the house most days. Kuroo went to the gym, to work, out running, to stores, everywhere. He was a _professional_ even if he still wore sneakers with his suits half the time to hide those ugly ass socks. 

All this to say that Kenma was genuinely surprised upon seeing Kuroo's top dresser drawer filled with a mountain of brand new blindingly white gym socks mixed in with other various colors. Some of the dress ones even had subtle patterns—herringbone, argyle, tiny planets, bananas, cute little barking dachshunds, and polka dots. _Fancy._

"Did you… throw out all of your socks?" Kenma asked slowly, blinking at the drawer his boyfriend had just made him stand by then happily opened for him.

"Oho, brilliant deduction! I knew I married you for a reason Kenma," Kuroo snickered, snaking a huge palm around his waist to bring his sleepy slumped companion into a proud side hug.

Kenma suppressed an eyeroll. They weren't married. And that didn't answer the question.

Kuroo pushed up his thickly-rimmed glasses and read from his phone's secret master wishlist, "March 22, 6:23 PM: _‘Did you expect them not to laugh at you? I wish you’d just throw them out when you find the ones with holes in them…’”_

"What was that about though?" Kenma asked, considering a half buried pair that had happy little dancing sushi on it.

"One of the early spring kickoff games with the local team. The guys at the gym thought we were rich until they got a look at my feet."

"You do look like a bum sometimes..."

"WOW, you are SO one to talk Kodzuken," Kuroo laughed, smacking a huge palm against Kenma's buttcheek and squeezing him through his underwear for emphasis. 

"So did you finally burn them all and get new ones?" Kenma concluded.

"Precisely," the bed-headed fool agreed.

"So how is this a gift for me then?" The gamer pointed out, staring inside at the fresh heaps of new footwear in the drawer.

"I didn't make the wishes, Kenma. I live to serve, not to question."

 _"Now_ who's one to talk," Kenma scoffed, shouldering Kuroo in his bare chest as the tall cat still held him in the ass-grabbing side hug. Kuroo literally questioned everything all the time his entire _life_. He was analytical and systematic in different ways than Kenma, which is probably why he was such an idiot savant in classes throughout high school and college. He didn't get valedictorian for nothing after all.

Digging around his drawer for a moment, Kuroo tossed a few pairs out of the way to reveal a lumpily-wrapped package with shoddy photoshopped images of cats wearing party hats all over it. Kenma pressed his thumbs into the paper and pulled.

"These are cute," Kenma noted quietly with a small smile as he stared at the funny little striped socks that had color-blocked cat faces on the toes. 

"Not as cute as you,” the blocker’s smarmy voice chimed.

"Shut up..."

"Ooo, with _pleasure,"_ Kuroo purred, bending down and lapping a fresh energetic kiss against his birthday boy's lips.

Kenma unconsciously braced himself against Kuroo's forearms, melting all over again and hoping the rest of the day's surprises were as lowkey and sweet as this one. Kuroo’s breath was minty fresh now and had a sharp bite of mouthwash to it. He’d even bothered to put on chapstick, which had some kind of natural honey taste to it and made his lips even softer as they squished warm and wet against his own.

After a moment, and more gently than he probably deserved, the small cat pushed his boyfriend back to break the increasingly spicy kiss.

"Hm, what is it babe?" Kuroo murmured, licking his lips as if his companion had been the one who tasted good.

"Stop trying to work me up. I need to pee," Kenma explained bluntly.

"What, you don't _enjoy_ pissing through a boner Kenma?"

The gamer shoved his boyfriend's dorky head away from him and padded over to their bathroom.

...Which was immaculately clean.

Tetsurou's face popped in the doorway above his shoulder.

"How did you do this?" Kenma asked as he took in all the details of their bathroom, which let's face it, had been a total dump most of the time because neither of them particularly cared enough to keep up with it. 

Now it practically looked like a _spa_. 

The floors were devoid of body hair and dust, the sinks and tub were wiped spotless, the hand towels were new and so were the liquid soaps that had spiffy-looking designer labels, all the junk on the vanity countertop had been organized into pretty glass containers and bins, and it actually _smelled_ fresh which might have had something to do with the white tea and sage candle that hadn't been in here last night when all of this was at epic levels of sanitary negligence. A few new hanging plants joined their formerly lonely trailing golden pothos over by the natural light of the frosted privacy window. Even Kuroo’s pile of old unread fitness magazines had disappeared, although his well-worn paperback of _Dune_ still sat in the little basket on the back of the toilet. 

"Look, your sink drains now!" Kuroo ignored his question and turned Kenma's faucet on full blast. It drained without a lag time and no longer sported the toothpaste stains and grime that had been there only hours before.

"But how…" Kenma tried again.

"Oh, it was super gross. I had to get all your hair out by—"

"I don't mean that," Kenma snipped, scrunching up his nose in disgust. "When did you have time to do all this? Didn't you come to bed with me after we—"

But then he noticed the slight depressions under his boyfriend's eyes which the accentuating dark liner must have distracted him from before.

"Did you even go to sleep..."

Kuroo continued to ignore him and read aloud, "July 13, 4:39 PM: ‘ _No way. It’s always gross in there and you look like a rainbow threw up on you so it’s only going to get worse. We should just get a cleaning service to come out once a month or something…’”_

“We never did though,” Kenma mused.

“Because you said you didn’t want people _‘up in our business,’_ remember?”

“Yea, and I still don’t.”

“Exactly!” Kuroo proclaimed. “Which is why I spent over two hours this morning transforming all this hot garbage into a bathroom fit for a king.”

“You just want me to get naked in here with you again,” Kenma smirked remembering now that this “wish” was in reference to Kuroo whining last summer about him never wanting to bathe together anymore. If memory served him correctly, it was after the blocker had just finished the Tokyo 5K Color Run. However, he didn’t care how sexy Kuroo's long legs looked in those short-shorts and tank top combo, he wasn’t getting in the shower with a dude who smelled overwhelmingly like BO and was dusted head to toe in environmentally-safe, neon-colored pigments.

“Well, your wish is my command Kozume-sama,” his boyfriend kissed his head then playfully smacked his butt one more time for good measure. “Enjoy your piss and then meet me in the kitchen for brunch, kay?”

—

Perhaps the strangest thing about this birthday was not that Kuroo had taken off of work or that he'd outed this day to his fans or even that the bathroom was now ridiculously spotless and luxurious. 

No, the oddest part about all of this was that the house _didn’t_ smell like apple pie. 

It was the one birthday tradition that Kuroo had done for years without fail during the entirety of their romantic relationship. In the beginning, it took the form of those little convenience store pocket strudels because that's what Kuroo had time to go get before walking to school in the morning. Kenma would usually eat it as they waited for the train together. Then in college it had evolved to him trying to make the pies himself in the communal dorm kitchen and later his apartment, but after many failed attempts he would often just go buy mini ones from their favorite bakery. 

Over time though, the determined tall cat got better at baking them at home until it became a thing that Kenma looked forward to every year. The smell permeated the house for days after. It was the gift that kept on giving. And the kicker to all of this was that Kuroo didn’t even particularly _like_ apple pie. He’d have a slice sure, but he always made up for the extra calories by doing more squats or sit ups or sneaking in a second run later in the day.

So Kuroo knew full well that there was nothing more critical to Kenma’s birthday celebrations than this one very specific, very coveted autumnal dessert.

“Where’s the pie?” The former setter asked without pretense as he entered the kitchen that smelled of other things to find Kuroo halfway done cooking breakfast. The island was covered in cutting boards with diced ingredients, dirty utensils, and assorted bowls of already prepared food. Kenma stole a grape from one of them.

Kuroo didn't even turn around from the stove where he was tending to eggs, presumably for the rice medley he had frying in another pan.

"Counter babe," he answered simply, poking the eggy mixture with the bottom of his spatula.

Kenma's golden eyes darted around, honing in on the tiny single slice between the ketchup and the leftover pieces of diced chicken. 

His heart sank. One piece was pretty anti-climatic compared to the whole decorated meme pies he'd become accustomed to.

"Okay… but... where's the rest of it?" 

Kenma didn't want to be a spoiled brat but… it was Kuroo's fault for making him a spoiled brat.

"One sec," Kuroo said absent-mindedly as he patted the rice stir fry into a bowl then turned it upside down on a plate to create a little dome. He flipped the layer of eggs in the other pan to reveal a lightly browned omelette.

"But I've been waiting a whole year…" Kenma grumbled quietly, staring at the tiny excuse for a birthday slice.

The rooster-headed live-in chef ignored his whiny boyfriend momentarily as he carefully placed the now mostly cooked omelette over the rice dome.

"Fuck, I biffed it," he cursed. 

Kenma looked up to see that the eggs hadn't gone on exactly right and a corner of the rice was still showing.

"You know I don't care about presentation."

"Well _that's_ a relief because no amount of ketchup is going to fix this ugly mess," Kuroo huffed, grabbing said condiment and squirting some on top a bit too forcefully. "If you're wondering, this one's from May 1, 10:47 AM: _'You should make this more often. It’s good.'"_

"What about my pie though…" The small cat sadly eyed his pathetic slice again. It would last him all of two minutes to eat. If that.

Finally, Kuroo turned around with his sloppy omurice that had an even sloppier ketchup heart on top combined with other random drizzle squiggles. He looked dissatisfied with it, but Kenma was sure it would taste alright. Everything Kuroo made did.

"Okay you little apple pie fiend," the tall cat sighed, licking the rogue ketchup off his thumb. 

Curiously, he walked over to the freezer and read from his phone upon opening it, "Wish number one, October 16, 11:23 AM: _‘I wish I could eat this every day.'_ Now there you have it. Over 365 days of appley, flakey crusted sugary cinnamon goodness Kenma."

Kenma's eyebrows raised as he noticed nothing but plastic ziplocks full of individually-wrapped slices blocking out all the other freezer food. It was… far more than usual.

"Wow…"

"Yes," Kuroo agreed easily.

Then Kenma's expression soured.

“Are you trying to make me fat? You can’t eat this stuff every day...”

 _"Kenma._ You almost had a hissy fit just now over there only being _one_ slice and now you're gonna complain that there's too much? Also, I love you no matter what size you are my tubby kitty," he declared, attempting to pinch his slightly rounded gamer belly but Kenma was too quick.

"I did _not,"_ the semi blonde puffed after flinching away just in time. "You just haven't ever done it this way..."

"I told you before: your wishes, my servitude. I aim to please."

“You measured the calories in each one, didn’t you?" Kenma's eyes narrowed.

“250 on the button,” Kuroo confirmed without skipping a beat.

“How long did it take you to make all this?” It _was_ a lot of fucking pie.

“Hm. I dunno, like a month maybe? Why do you think I kept going home to see my dad?”

“I don’t know, he’s old... Weren't you helping him clean his gutters or something…”

“Oh yea, that was real, BUT a lot of those times I was using his kitchen so you wouldn’t find out. And showing him how to use Tinder. And whooping his ass in our fantasy league.”

“Oh my god, your dad should _not_ be on Tinder...” The former setter gave him a critical look before helping himself to his 250 calories.

“Hey, my dad is a _catch_ Kenma. He’s essentially me 20-some years in the future you know."

“I can't believe you taught him how to use a hookup app...”

“Babe, it was just for shits and giggles—he's not _actually_ going to find anyone on it. You should have seen how precious he was trying to compare the merits of different profiles like _that's_ what it's for," Kuroo snickered as he grabbed as many plates of food as he could.

“Don’t patronize Joji-san. It'll be _your_ fault if he comes home one day with some young clueless girl,” Kenma admonished him, picking up the remaining dishes.

“Ah, they grow up so fast!” The blocker called from their kotatsu table in the other room.

Kenma was about to offer another rebuttal until he walked into their dining space and was surprised by the array of wrapped gifts on the table beside the variety of brunch items Kuroo had made and already set out.

“I thought you were doing the wishes thing this year?” The gamer asked, taking a seat next to Kuroo at the low table because he always preferred to sit closer to him. This was partially because he loved the physical contact, but also because sitting across from Kuroo was like asking him to make stupid lovey-dovey faces the whole time while he was trying to eat. No thanks.

“These _are_ some of the wishes,” Kuroo explained brightly, handing him a present that was squishy to the touch and wrapped in children's happy birthday dinosaur paper.

Ripping it open revealed a large burgundy sweater that was neither a hoodie nor a zip up, but a thick incredibly soft cableknit pullover with a tastefully buttoned cowl neck. It looked like it was from one of those expensive stores in Ginza where the attendants would immediately badger you upon entering and where a pair of jeans costs more than most people make in a week. The kind of store Kenma avoided like the plague unless Kuroo really, _really_ needed his “assistance" (his opinion and his credit card). It looked like something Keiji would wear back when he was stylish and not an overworked, frumpy editor. It was an odd gift.

But it _smelled_ amazing.

“Did you bake the pies with this thing around?” Kenma asked, inhaling the sweet cinnamon apple scent that had been missing from the house that morning.

“I did,” Kuroo smiled, the eyeliner behind his frames exaggerating how genuine it was. “At first I didn’t realize it because I was just hiding all of this stuff over there, but it's nice huh? Just a happy accident I suppose."

"Hnnn," Kenma breathed in the wonderful homey scent. It smelled a bit like their childhood too. The mixed scents of the house Kuroo grew up in: cedarwood, fresh steamed rice, rush grass tatami, homemade dashi broth, books, and incense.

"Now you can give me back the three sweaters you've nicked from my side of the closet," Kuroo suggested optimistically with a playful poke to his boyfriend's knee.

Kenma shot him a sharp look up from the fabric.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you have this one now and it smells like pie, me, and home. That and it's made of merino wool so it'll keep you warmer than any of your flimsy cotton hoodies or my work sweaters ever will."

"It sounds like this was _your_ wish, not mine."

"Oh, it does _not._ Here, December 8, 6:24 PM: _'The kotatsu isn't working, all of your sweaters are dirty, and I'm cold.'"_

"How is that a wish?"

"It's a _near_ wish. I fixed the heater under this thing," Kuroo knocked on the table twice. "And I gave you one of my sweaters and warmed you up with cuddles then, so now you have your _own_ lux sweater and you can give back all of _mine."_

"Next present," Kenma said as he wriggled into the ultra soft layers of plush merino.

"Oh, you're gonna ignore me. Cool," Kuroo quipped in a faux pleasant tone, though he handed him another gift anyway. This one was much smaller.

"Laser pointers?" Kenma asked, pulling one out of a package of ten as he experimentally pointed the red dot on the table. Their cats were sleeping, likely in the sunny spot near the front door after playing with Kuroo's shoe laces (probably full from convincing him to give them a bit of egg or sausage). Otherwise they would go demon kitty berserker feral for this.

"Laser pointers indeed. September 27, 8:28 PM: _'Maybe they wouldn't be so lazy if we didn't lose every single one in less than three days. Wish I knew where they were hiding the damn things…'"_

"Did you ever find them?" 

"Under the couch. Along with a bunch of your hair ties, some pens, and a few shreds of my report I couldn't find last summer. Batteries were all shot to shit though, so now you have a fully functioning arsenal."

"How sweet of you," Kenma pointed the laser dot at Kuroo's chest and almost immediately found a huge hand over his and the tiny weapon.

"Bad kitty. Watch where you're aiming that thing, will yah?" Kuroo grinned despite himself, leaning in to loom over him with fake menace.

"What else did you get me?" Kenma tried to keep a straight face as Kuroo got dangerously close to kissing him.

"Behind you," the tall cat crooned, dark predatory eyes glittering in even darker makeup.

"I'm not falling for that," the small cat scoffed but not without the slightest grin of his own.

"Seriously," Kuroo continued, now nuzzling his forehead against Kenma's.

"Lies," Kenma breathed before Kuroo captured his lips again and then just as suddenly broke off and turned his semi blonde head in the opposite direction.

A three-tiered cat tree stood in the corner.

"How did you get that in here?" Kenma blinked. He hadn't seen or heard Kuroo bring in any of this stuff.

"Magic," Kuroo shrugged, sneaking another kiss in on Kenma's cheek as he continued to stare at the new piece of scratching furniture. "June 19, 12:41 PM: _'I wish they would stop trying to claw up my desk chair and fuck with the computer cords. This set up costs more than my life and I don't want to replace it.'"_

"Well, it's true," Kenma mused.

"And you call _me_ a drama queen," Kuroo snickered and roughed up Kenma's hair only to get his face shoved back. Luckily, that put him in striking distance to grab Kenma's wrist and gain the upper hand in the scuffle.

"Is this what we're going to do all day?" Kenma struggled to free himself and ended up twisting them both sideways.

"What? Wrestling?" Kuroo laughed as he snatched Kenma's other wrist but also lost his own footing, slipping a little in the brand new socks. "There may have been naked wrestling on the wishlist somewhere. I'll have to check. Did you _want_ to have some naughty birthday hanky panky?"

“Depends," Kenma grunted under the weight of Kuroo's benchpress thick arms. "Does it involve another half-assed blow job?”

“Only if you want it to," the blocker offered sincerely. 

Suddenly Kuroo dropped the force from the tussle, deciding it was better to forfeit before Kenma actually got exhausted because he was a total baby when it came to physical activity of any sort.

"Ah," Kenma huffed at loss of tension, his heart beating faster than it should be. “Maybe a whole-assed one next time.”

“Whichever hole you’d like babe," Kuroo pecked his cheek again and sat up straight to eat the food that was getting cold.

“Great… Maybe later then. What else did you get me?” The former setter eyed the last wrapped gift that he could see on the other side of the table.

"Oh yea!"

Kuroo handed him a gift bag that read _"Yay, you were born"_ on the side and shoveled some pan-seared mackerel into his mouth with his chopsticks.

Upon opening it, Kenma's heart sank again.

"Kuro," he began softly using the old childhood nickname to lessen the blow. "I already have these games…"

He had bought at least three of them over a year ago and the other two over the summer. He just hadn't had time to play them yet because of work.

"I know," Kuroo managed through a mouth full of fish.

_"...What?"_

Now Kuroo was mid-soup slurping so Kenma had to wait another moment to figure out why in the living hell he would buy him games he _knew_ he already had.

"Kenma, you should eat. Your omurice is gonna get soggy if you don't tuck into—"

"Why did you get me these if you knew I already had them?" Kenma cut him off feeling more than slightly irked that Kuroo would purposefully waste money in this way. It was bad enough he had bought him anything when he said he didn't want any gifts.

"Okay, hold your kitty titties babe! _Breathe._ I didn't _buy_ them. I cleaned your office, _you're welcome,_ and I knew I'd find some games still in their plastic wrap," Kuroo airily reassured him.

"You went through my stuff?" The semi blonde felt a whole new level of OCD gamer panic fill him. 

"NO," Kuroo held up a hand. "I did not go through all your bookcases and toys and whatever. I just wiped off your desk and took the time to tidy things up a bit. Got rid of all the trash and things growing on your keyboard."

"So you… are giving me games I already bought myself?" 

It still didn't make sense.

"I'm giving you _time_ Kenma," Kuroo smiled as he took a pair of chopsticks and gently forced them into his boyfriend's palm.

"Time?" The small cat asked as he finally sliced into his plate of ketchuppy eggs and chicken fried rice. 

"April 17, 11:39 PM: _'I just wish I had more time. I've got so much to do for work and I want to see you each night. I hardly have any time in my schedule for those things, let alone playing anything for fun...'"_

Kenma remembered that night now. He had been so completely stressed out by BB Corp deadlines, partnership negotiations, a severe stock market dip, and a losing streak in a live stream tournament on top of feeling like a shit excuse for a boyfriend because he accidentally ghosted Kuroo three times that week for dinner. Luckily, the tall cat brought him food when he couldn't convince him to take a break. By Friday night though Kenma had a minor mental breakdown and wondered why on earth he had taken on all this responsibility and whether he should just quit everything and move to the Kyushu islands so he could play his Switch, enjoy the warm weather, and suck melon-apple smoothies and Kuroo's dick for the rest of his life.

"August 26, 4:57 PM," Kuroo continued to read from his phone. _"'I wish this mess would clean itself sometimes.'_ So done and done! Clean office and time to play one of your games just for funsies."

"But…"

"No buts, Kenma. Unless you mean _butts,_ in which case I suppose we could switch over to wish number—"

"What are you going to do if I play a game though? None of these are multiplayer…" 

Kenma had thought maybe Kuroo would try to drag him out of the house today _"because he needed it"_ or something, but this was explicit encouragement to stay inside and just chill.

"What I always used to do," Kuroo reassured him with a chuckle, moving on to peeling a banana which he promptly gave to Kenma then peeled another for himself.

Kenma bit off a piece and felt an inexplicable gush of relief and gratitude warm him from the inside.

Kuroo may have been unorthodox in his methods, but he always knew exactly what Kenma needed and wasn't afraid of loving him wholeheartedly precisely in all those peculiar little beautiful ways.

"Eat up little kitty, you've got monsters to tank and spank, yea?" Kuroo poked his boyfriend's floppy partially eaten rice omelet with his chopsticks.

Kenma wondered if he only meant in game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo, is now Captain Literal haha... Hope you all enjoyed his birthday this week! I had started working on a bday fic for him too, but alas there is one of me and dwindling time to write thanks to life and the stress of the political hellscape my country put us through the other week. 
> 
> Things are looking up though and it's been fun to hang with these two fellas again. As always, thanks for reading. Hopefully you're enjoying it too, and if so I'd love to hear what you think!
> 
> Also, there be spicy times ahead 🙌


	4. Cheatcodes

There were very few things in life that brought Kenma Kozume as much sly, unguarded amusement as watching their normally subdued and criminally lazy cats go absolutely feral-tiger-level berserk over a new toy.

“Kenma, you need to _stop_. You’re gonna give Universe a heart attack for reals this time,” Kuroo chided his boyfriend even though he himself was grinning from ear to ear watching their silky black cat dart around the kotatsu to chase the evil red dot of doom that mysteriously appeared in the house that morning.

“Umi likes it,” Kenma replied simply, moving the laser pointer dot up the wall near the cat tree and watching the overeager feline scale the thing vertically like a supercharged spidercat in two seconds flat.

“Yea, well, Umi ain’t as young as he used to be. Look, he can’t even breathe the poor lil’ guy."

The blocker stilled Kenma's hand with his own, finally allowing the shadowy dark shorthair to catch the blasted red fairy intruder after scrambling back down the tree and landing with a hard thump on the tatami floor. The slits of his bright sage green eyes focused on his dark paws which were clasped tightly together like the safety of the entire household was in his grasp. His black satin nose puffed out short, anxious breaths.

"He's fine," Kenma dismissed, trying to re-aim the laser across the room.

“You’re a cruel, cruel overlord babe,” Kuroo admonished, attempting to pry the dangerous tiny weapon from his hand.

“Says the man who supplied the big guns in the first place,” the former setter quipped while swatting away those trickster's fingers.

"Oho, I'll show you big guns!" Kuroo laughed far too loudly and sprung to his knees, crushing his boyfriend's head into a hug with modestly gym-cut arms concealed by the long cozy sleeves of his crew neck.

The gamer struggled superficially for a moment between his warm chest and ridiculous-for-a-nerd biceps before grunting and ultimately accepting his fate as Kuroo's permanent #1 snuggle buddy of choice. 

Likewise, Kuroo squished him annoyingly tight because the birthday boy absolutely deserved it then leaned down to kiss his pretty cheekbone through strands of black and gold. Lips lingered for the briefest of moments before he bounded up and over to their helplessly fitness-deprived cat.

“You pull aggro on him and he’ll bite your finger off," Kenma warned as he wiped the too wet kiss from his face and lightly swiped a streak of blonde tips behind his ear.

“He will _not._ He’s completely exhausted thanks to you Mr. Work Hard, Play Harder,” Kuroo scoffed as he bent down and scooped the panting little panther cub into his arms. 

“Right, buddy? Daddy thinks you're a wild raging monster, but _I_ know you better than that, don’t I? You're just a big softie,” he cooed in borderline baby talk.

“I’ll go get the first aid kit,” Kenma declared flatly, pulling his legs out from underneath the blessed heat of the thick table blanket and standing up from his comfy zabuton floor cushion.

“Dude, he’s fine! _See?”_

Kuroo held Universe in his arms like an incredibly proud father showing off his infant which made good sense because he was often the blocker's #2 snuggle buddy of choice. Oddly enough though, the cat did seem a great deal calmer than he had seconds before. Perhaps he'd been sated by the victory of finally vanquishing the insidious firebug (and therefore saving his humans' lives once again) or maybe it had more to do with the fact that he hadn't run this much since the time Kuroo forgot to feed them and Kenma was left with two murderously whiny kitty children on his hands. Either way his frenzy had been nullified.

Ignoring this however, Kenma snagged one of the long wait-listed games from the table and made for the hallway.

“Babe, you can’t just walk on by without getting in on this flub jub!” The rooster-headed fool proclaimed as he jiggled the black cat’s fuzzy tummy pouch and stalked his boyfriend into the living room.

“I’m not sure why he lets you get away with touching him like that,” the semi blonde rolled his eyes the tiniest bit as he swiped his Switch from its charging base and flopped down on the couch where he intended not to move for the next four hours minimally.

Almost instantaneously, charcoal-colored fur interrupted the pixels he’d just refocused his attention to. His golden amber eyes rose to meet their cat’s chubby fluff belly then traveled on up to his boyfriend’s insanely dumb anticipatory grin.

"One for the road then you can ignore all of us for however long you'd like," Kuroo offered, smiling even wider now as he leaned his upper body and their confused cat down closer to the gamer's stoic face.

"Ever the salesman," Kenma sighed before he caved and scratched his fingers along Universe's sweet whiskered cheeks and on through to the highly-coveted and impossibly soft belly fat his crazy boyfriend insisted he partake in.

"That's the spirit!" Kuroo declared brightly as he stood up straight, blew an entirely unnecessary raspberry onto the prime real estate of exposed kitty tum, and then finally let the poor creature down from his arms.

Universe’s dark form darted down the hallway, presumably to go hide under their bed until much later in the evening when the humans needed to be reminded that it was food time again.

"Oh yea, I washed the big blanket too. Be right back," the tall cat remembered, going off to retrieve it. Kuroo had a wonderful bad habit of stashing wearable things under the kotatsu if he knew Kenma was going to need them soon. It probably wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done (though it was far from the stupidest too) mainly because nothing was really supposed to get that close to the heating element, but Kenma was too much of a frozen kitty popsicle half the time to really give a shit.

When Kuroo returned the old familiar, yet recently-neglected ritual that went along with gaming purely for fun (no channel, streaming, or business strings attached) began much like it always had. 

While starting to tap through the intro combat and weapons tutorial, Kenma tucked his newly-socked feet up underneath himself on the couch as a clean-smelling, overly-warm throw blanket was draped around his shoulders. Large, deft hands expertly wrapped the blazing layers under the game and over his lap leaving it loose enough to sneak a foot out to be rubbed yet snug enough to effectively trap all the precious warmth underneath. Though Kenma knew he'd be requiring external heat sources soon enough as the blanket lost its firepower. He made a reasonable assumption that Kuroo would be more than willing to provide his services as a snuggle furnace again like he had that morning.

"Tea?" Kuroo asked while situating the excess of the massive blanket to the side of the couch where he would likely be camping out very shortly.

"Please."

Kenma flickered a grateful look up from his handheld even though he was sure Kuroo wouldn't see it because he was fussing with the menu on the TV now. The blocker continued scrolling through Netflix suggested titles which were an odd mix of anime, sci-fi dramas, superhero movies, wildlife documentaries, and very trashy reality TV shows because Kuroo had been too lazy to get his own profile when they initially subscribed years before and similarly Kenma had been too lazy to separate them after that. 

"Glitch?" Kuroo continued once he found another one of his quirky cooking competition shows which always seemed to be his go-to for having on in the background as he did other things.

"Only if he wants to," the former setter yawned without meaning to. He fidgeted out of his cocoon a bit for fear he'd get sleepy and miss this golden opportunity to game without constraints.

"You need anything else?"

"...You."

Kenma tried to suppress a hopeless smile. Kuroo was one of those people who was so smart he could miss the forest through the trees and forget the most important things sometimes. He was a devil for details before anything else.

"Okay," Kuroo returned his boyfriend's grin tenfold. "Lemme go see if _Gurichu_ wants to snug first."

Not two minutes later the eyelinered blocker discovered that Glitch, also known as Gurichu, Guru, Guri Guri, Bug, Glip, Error Cat, and simply Chu for short, did not in fact want to snug. 

Kuroo found the multi-colored fluff ball watching birds out the window to the side yard and was promptly batted at when he tried to pick him up, hands just barely missing claws. This is what made Glitch #3 in Kuroo's lineup of regular snuggle buddies.

Kuroo brought back tea instead, which he set down on the coffee table in front of Kenma and made to leave again.

"I thought you were going to sit me," Kenma tried to question nonchalantly as he began hacking his way through Level 1 shadow demons however an edge of disappointment soured his voice. In all honesty, it was hard to focus completely with his boyfriend buzzing around vs parking his ass where he belonged beside him.

"I will babe, but I'm gonna go treat myself to a shit first," Kuroo stated matter-of-factly as he swiped open his phone.

Kenma shut his eyes for a second trying to erase the uncalled for image from his mind. Why Kuroo always felt the need to explicitly narrate his life in grossly intimate detail Kenma would never know.

"Great. You have fun with that…" 

"I intend to," the far-too-honest-for-his-own-good fool of a hot mess replied. "I'm just letting you know in order to fulfill wish number, what’re we on now? Ten, eleven?”

“I have no idea. It’s your list…”

“In any case, January 13, 9:02 PM: _‘I wish you’d remember to go before you sign up to tank me and the cuddle monsters…'_ Which is totally fair but also a little passive-aggressive, don't you think?"

"Better than aggressive-aggressive," Kenma countered in monotone as he slaughtered a feral hellhound.

"Always gotta pick on me babe. You _wound_ me."

“That’s because you always want to get up halfway through movies and stuff when the cats and I are already comfortable…”

“Kenma, you all don’t _have_ to lay on me yanno.”

The semi blonde gave him a critical half-a-second look over his Switch without pausing the rapidfire taps of his thumbs.

“But that’s also why I’m telling you _now_ instead of later when the boys inevitably decide to stop being little buttheads and join the couch party,” Kuroo switched gears quickly because he knew there was no point in arguing something he was very unequivocally _wrong_ about. Occasionally, he knew when to yield.

After a short while, Kuroo did come back and settle down in the cozy kitten nest he'd made, tablet in hand likely for dicking around on Reddit, social media, or his silly little sudoku app. Down the hall there were soft tumbling noises like he was doing more laundry.

Silently the blocker curled his long lanky body up beside his game-consumed lover and their "alone-together" time commenced.

—

It took all of 23 minutes for Kuroo to fall asleep. 

Mouth slacked open, head resting back, snoring slightly, body smushed heavily up against the blanket pile Kenma had become. It looked extremely uncomfortable for his neck to be bent so severely, but he'd been sleeping for over four hours like this so it couldn't have been that bad... right?

Kenma himself had been fortunate enough for Kuroo to start off their lazypants time by tugging one of his little feet out of the birthday blankie fortress. He'd insisted on a criminally amazing calf+ankle+foot massage combo attack that gravely threatened to derail his game time with a nap because Kuroo's fingers were always too stupid good at undoing him. Somehow though, he resisted the temptation of this wish which the blocker claimed was "June 4, 7:23 PM: _'I wish we hadn't taken the long way home, my feet feel like murder…'"_ It wasn't that hard to recall what this was in reference to because he seldomly left the house unless Kuroo, their friends, BB Corp, or their parents asked him to. This time it had been friends who called him out of his void of business and tech (with a side of Kuroo puppy dog eyes). 

They'd traveled west farther out of Tokyo proper to visit Tora and his wife since their new baby was old enough for a few visitors now, but unexpected rail maintenance on the way back meant that they were shit-out-of-luck unless they wanted to take some convoluted, time-sucking zigzag of BS lines home. Kenma would have been fine with this, but Kuroo had the bright idea to "enjoy the city for once" and "get some fresh air" by walking _two and half hours_ home. Nevermind that "city" and "fresh air" was a laughable oxymoron, the gamer let his underlying work guilt get the better of him and caved to his boyfriend's simple solution which was really just a poorly-disguised attempt at spending more time with him. In the end, he'd gotten a glorious foot rub for his sidewalk-aching bones but he wasn't going to argue with him now if Kuroo was adamant about double-dipping on that wish nearly half a year later.

Tetsurou choked on a snore and promptly startled himself awake.

"You alright there?" Kenma asked trying to hurry up and finish the mini boss so he could save and get up now that his boyfriend was no longer cutting off circulation to his leg which was sandwiched behind his back and the couch. Somehow Kenma always ended up laying down and across Kuroo in a tumble of limbs and long messy hair.

"Crap, what time is it?" The tall cat's groggy voice asked as he smashed a hand over his face and on up into his wild rooster fringe. Fortunately, Kenma had perfected the art of carefully removing his glasses without disturbing his sleep.

"Food time," the small cat stated without hesitation. 

The autoplay for the cooking competition show had switched over to some food porn documentary that was really making Kenma crave carbs. He'd been hungry for a while because of this but he didn't want to wake Kuroo up by moving out from underneath him since he probably hadn't gone back to sleep last night after sucking him off and cleaning the bathroom. Glitch and Universe weren't helping matters either as one slept up near Kuroo's bedhead and the other was squashed beside his thigh.

"Oh cool. We better get ready for dinner with the guys then," his boyfriend mused, bending awkwardly to be able to pet both cats at the same time.

"Wh—are you serious?"

Kuroo didn't say anything about going out today. He also damn well knew that Kenma A) didn't like sudden surprises, particularly the kind where all their friends popped out and yelled "surprise" and B) he needed at least a few days' worth of mental battery charging and preparation before going out for any reason otherwise he tended to be a total sourpuss about it. 

“JK, JK, babe! God, you're so cute when you make that face," the blocker laughed gregariously and snuck a deep chuckling kiss in while his boyfriend still looked like a hopelessly confused kitten. 

"No, but seriously, pretty much everyone's free this weekend if you wanna meet up for belated birthday noods or something. Up to you. You know they wanna celebrate, but I think they all get it if you don't have time since you're a pretty busy bigshot fancypants man sooooo—"

Unconsciously, they both glanced down at Kenma's old, heavily-pilled cotton sweats which were in no universe or dimension past or present considered "fancy."

"—yea, anyway, figure of speech! It _was_ one of your wishes though."

"What do you mean?" 

Kenma finally saved and quit, setting his Switch aside and stretching his sleep-prickled legs overtop Kuroo's lap so that his boyfriend could absent-mindedly touch them, which he did much to their jealous cats' displeasure.

"From Bo's birthday night, remember?"

It was only about a month ago that they'd gotten together with Bokuto, Akaashi, Hinata, and a scattering of other MSBY and Fukurodani folks to celebrate the hulking owlman with a night of beer and apps at the world's most ridiculously awful karaoke attempt Kenma ever had the misfortune to witness. It didn't matter that they were in a large, private, sound-proof room among friends—just watching Kuroo and Koutarou sway together as they belted out another stupid fucking Queen song unleashed a wild form of secondhand embarrassment that wasn't squashed until just recently because they all kept posting videos of it. Kenma had been counting on Shouyou when he buried his face into the spiker's shoulder and asked for death to take him, but the bright beefy little sunspot was no help either because he then got up and challenged them _all_ to sing duets with Bokuto making the situation far, far worse.

In short, Kenma didn't remember wishing for anything that night other than the end of his eternal suffering.

"Whelp, I don't remember you saying it actually, but drunk me's got it here in my phone as September 21, 1:49 AM: _'We should do this more often. Not singing and shit, but seeing friends…'_ Maybe you enjoyed yourself a smidge then, eh babe?" Kuroo teased.

"I did not," Kenma shot back automatically.

But he may have. Just a little.

It had honestly been a while since he'd gotten to see most of them. He'd enjoyed splitting the crispy chicken karaage with Keiji even if the editor was a blushy lush of a drunk watching their boyfriends fly their idiot flags high. Also, it was nice listening to Shouyou bubble over about a recent trip he'd taken with Kageyama back to Italy to hike and eat their way through the lovely seaside cliff towns of Cinque Terre. And birthday boy Koutarou had positively squawked and looked like he was going to piss himself with excitement when he realized Kenma really came out for once. He didn't want to admit it but the genuine joy at his presence and the resulting body-crushing hug was nice too... Kenma did love his friends even if he found socializing and the city in general to be completely exhausting.

"You made one other wish that night too," Kuroo baited mysteriously as he bent Kenma's legs up off him.

"...Oh?" 

"Here, I'll just show you," Kuroo laughed, springing up and switching the smart TV over to YouTube which had all of Kenma's gaming channel videos as suggestions.

“What, are we watching something?”

“Well _you_ are," the tall cat quipped as he blocked Kenma's view of the screen with his big butt and slowly typed into the search bar with the remote.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kenma tried to peek around him but Kuroo moved his ass to reinforce the block. A socked foot lightly kicked it.

Then he caught the search query.

“No…” The small cat balked feeling tingling dread begin to rise in his chest again.

“Yes,” Kuroo smirked over his shoulder.

 _“No,_ come on, Kuro please don’t—”

“September 20, 9:36 PM—"

"I already know where this is going. I don't want—"

"I said, _‘I wish you would sing with us Kyanmaaa!’_ To which you said, _‘And I wish you were less embarrassing, but that isn't happening.’”_

“How is this _any_ less embarrassing?" An exasperated Kenma asked into the wrist of the hand that was braced against his forehead.

"We're at home!" Kuroo gestured grandly to the living room as if it weren't something that was completely obvious. "Not out in the city for starters. Plus, you don't have to watch all of us get wasted and relive the most epic volleyboys' rendition of _Bohemian Rhapsody."_

"I hate Queen," Kenma stated bluntly.

"I am well aware of this."

“And I don’t like this wish,” he reiterated.

"Then you shouldn't have made it _Kyanma_ ," Kuroo laughed and winked as Kenma scowled at the dumb nickname Kuroo only ever used when he was being a particularly ornery shit.

The music began to play. Kuroo flipped the remote up and caught it, turning it into a microphone which he leaned into as he began to sing in that smooth, deep amateur's voice of his.

_"You arrre~ my fiiirrrree~"_

"Please stop," Kenma pleaded.

_"The onnne~ desiiirrre~"_

"No…"

_"Believvvee when I say, I want it thaaat way!"_

Kenma felt his resolve slipping as Kuroo began belting out the english lyrics to this old cheesy pop song that everyone at the birthday night had gotten far too amped up to sing together as one big pseudo boy band starring an all too exuberant Bokuto. The cheese levels were so high in fact that Kenma had decided this was the best time to go hide in the bathroom until someone got concerned and came looking for him.

Kuroo offered his hand out.

_"Ain't nothing but a heartache~"_

Kenma stared at it.

_"Tell me whyyy~"_

Why indeed...

_"Ain't nothin' but a mistake~"_

It probably was, but Kenma signed up for Kuroo in all his dorkdom long ago so…

_"I never wanna hear you saaay~"_

He took his hand.

_"That I want it thaaaat way!"_

Kenma let himself be pulled into Tetsurou's arms as the blocker chucked the remote onto the couch so he could place one hand on his boyfriend's lower back and another in his palm. He swayed them around as he continued to serenade him with an absurdly embarrassing amount of confidence for someone who was that off key. A very reluctant smile made its way onto Kenma's face as they danced around the living room. It was only here in the privacy of their own home, alone save for the company of their cats, that he ever really felt comfortable enough to be such an idiotic sap with his idiotic sap.

In what felt like a blink of an eye the song winded down and with it so did Kuroo's lead in their silly dance until he laughed and finally squeezed him tight into an all-encompassing bear hug. Kenma tried to catch his breath but all he could take in was Kuroo's ocean mist deodorant kicking in and the warm chaotically-loving energy that surrounded him.

"You are such a dork," Kenma tried not to laugh into his shoulder, nuzzling it slightly through their embrace. 

"I think you mean a _romantic,"_ his boyfriend corrected him, tapping his butt twice for effect as his arms kept him caged in the hug.

"A romantic dork."

"Would you have it any other way?"

"No," Kenma answered simply. "Can we food now?"

Kuroo's half snorting laughter filled his heart.

"Sure, we can food now babe," he replied with all the radiant warmth of a soul caught in sunshine.

From the couch, the cats silently judged them before casually claiming Kenma's blankie spot and writing it off as their dads being wholesale weirdos again.

—

“I think I'm going to need forty years to digest all this," Kuroo breathed out through puckered lips.

"It was worth it," Kenma mumbled, taking another sip of his semi-sweet sayuri birthday sake. He didn't drink very often at all but after Kuroo's insane impromptu pop idol moment an hour ago he wasn't going to say no when his boyfriend pulled it out of the fridge. It would help him forget. Probably. 

"Do you want any more? I'll put away the rest if not," the blocker offered, starting to consolidate the remaining slices of pizza and appetizers in the greasy boxes. Of all things, junk food had apparently been one of Kenma's wishes this year. According to the list it was July 31, 7:02 PM, _'You know I love your cooking but sometimes I just wish you'd let us eat garbage again...’_

This comment came after weeks of particularly healthy eating thanks to Tetsurou’s lingering post-5k cooking habits which left Kenma longing for college days gone by when they'd just go pick up melt-in-your-mouth, carb-laden foods to unwind at the end of busy study weeks. Even without a race to consider, Kuroo being a traditionalist, health-conscious nut meant that most of their meals were homemade even if a good portion of them were batch created on weekends and then reheated throughout the week. A lot was made fresh daily too, but Kuroo only had so many hours in a day and Kenma was largely banned from the kitchen for his own safety.

“What’s this?” Kenma hiccupped, scratching at the label on a takeout box Kuroo hadn’t gotten to yet.

“Hm?” Kuroo shifted to add the box to his towering discard pile. “Oho, you mean my pizza name?”

“Neko Danger..?”

“It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” The tall cat chirped, getting up from the kotatsu with the precarious stack balancing in his arms.

“It’s kind of—” 

But before Kenma could finish that thought his drink was knocked out of his hand by an avalanche of cardboard followed by the glass tinking sharp against the table.

 _“Shit!_ I’m so sorry babe! Goddammit… Are you okay?” His boyfriend hopped back and forth between swears and concern. The blocker picked up the glass off the floor that somehow hadn’t broken but had managed to spill the rest of the sake all over his pants.

“I’m fine but you’re a little wet,” a slightly buzzed Kenma pointed out tactlessly.

“It’s no biggie. I’ll go change in a sec,” Kuroo half sighed, collecting all the boxes again but standing up without them this time.

The remaining food was put away as promised, containers chucked outside in the garbage can away from pesky crows, and when Kuroo came back in he disappeared down the hallway for more than a few minutes to take care of the spreading dark stain on his crotch.

Kenma sort of wished he’d made him wet without the drink.

His phone buzzed on the table.

_Kuro《6:43 PM 》: KENMA HALP_

“Oh, for the love of...” The small cat closed his eyes with a short sigh through his nose. Kuroo needing help in the bathroom was never a good thing.

_Kuro《6:43 PM 》: Attachment 428kb_

Already dilated golden eyes grew even larger as they studied the smooth digital curves in the cheeky cropped mirror photo of Kuroo’s bare ass. Well, partially bare at least. One thumb hooked his pants and underwear down to reveal the solid grabable muscle in a coy sneak peak half moon shot meant for him alone.

Kenma's dick stirred instantly. Kuroo knew far too many of his cheatcodes.

Sighing once more, the semi blonde made his way to their bedroom while being sleepily eyed by two cuddling fluffs from their new cat tree.

"Why are you sexting me from the bathroom? Is this another—"

He opened the door.

"...wish?"

The space that had already been transformed once today had gone through another makeover. This time the immaculately clean ensuite was dark save for the dozens of tiny tea light candles scattered across the sink, the little wall shelves above the toilet, and even a few on the side of their coveted oversized tub which was filled with hot water and Kuroo's long hairy legs. The ass in question sat on the ledge beside the candles and a buck-naked Kuroo looked up from whatever he was fiddling with in his hands.

"Oya! Yea, do you remember the new year's ema wish you made at the shrine last winter?"

"Uh, vaguely?" Kenma answered, still staring distractedly at his boyfriend's squashed flat bottom.

"Well, what was it?" Kuroo prodded as he finally got the little container of bath salts open.

"I… I wanted… to be less stressed or something."

"You did," Kuroo agreed, unceremoniously dumping some of the lavender epsom into the water then shifting his finely toned body to the side while casually revealing his manscape in all its flaccid glory. He beckoned him over with some grabby fingers.

"So… is this what that equates to in crazy boyfriend terms?" Kenma asked as Kuroo took his hand and tugged his sweater with the other. He swiped some of the fluffy dark fringe up off Kuroo's face.

"Mmhm," the bed-headed fool agreed, eyes closed, nodding into his counterpart's much smaller palm. He snuck a kiss onto the knuckles of Kenma's free hand. "Mandatory relaxation my dear sweet kitten."

"You're a nut," Kenma smiled wryly.

Although he was prone to argue such things or at the very least question them a bit, for once Kenma didn't need any more convincing than this and very promptly began to strip off his layers, tie his sloppy hair up better even though he'd probably pull it all the way out soon anyway, and then settled down in the hot water for some homebrew spa time. His lithe boney back leaned against his boyfriend's much broader chest as he nestled in the naked safety of those ridiculously lanky arms and legs.

This act in itself was a minor miracle because Kuroo didn't fit comfortably in 99% of the bathtubs in Japan and when they were initially house hunting Kenma had rejected a lot of potential places because they were too small to accommodate his towering boyfriend. The bathtub, or the entire bathroom for that matter, had been one of the more important things on his must-have list. There were perfectly amazing rental homes that had the traditionally cramped tub and counter space they were used to but Kenma repeatedly and mysteriously shot them down even though Kuroo was losing his shit about it near the end. But the gamer knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Kuroo would sacrifice his own comfort if he understood the _real_ reason for all the rejections, so he kept making other vague excuses until they'd found their current home with a decently-sized bath.

Kenma had nearly been lulled to sleep by the warm floral darkness and the rolling of those talented thumbs into his stiff posture-suffering shoulders. Blissful magic pressed firmly into his neck trailed by a path of purposeful kisses. The persistent massaging fingers traveled down his muscle-deficient arms and brought his limp pale hand up out of the water.

Then Kuroo began to pop his fingers one by one.

 _“Ssst!"_ Kenma hissed through his teeth.

"OH, did you not want me to—"

"No, no, keep going," Kenma amended, biting his lip and leaning his head back further to use his boyfriend like a pool float. "You caught me off guard. Sorry…"

"Kenma, I crack your fingers like every night," Kuroo chuckled as he expertly snapped the middle set of joints one-handed.

"I know—I-I just wasn't ready."

"You always tense up when you're _'ready.'"_

"Yea…" Kenma admitted. "I just wish they weren't like this..."

His fingers went partially numb or tingling on a daily basis but this was preferable to the pain he sometimes felt shoot up from his wrist. Cracking them offered a sort of minor placebo relief.

As if he were a mind reader, Kuroo transitioned to massaging around his gamer's callus low on his palm where his bone connected with his hard mouse pad and desk top every day for hours on end. He pressed another more lingering kiss into the pristinely soft base of Kenma's exposed neck among the damp strands of baby-fine black hair. 

"You made the same wish last February at the end of that multi-day tournament thingy you had."

"Why does that not surprise me," Kenma exhaled deeply and closed his eyes trying to relax like he was supposed to. Lavender hadn't been such a weird choice after all.

The dark candlelit bathroom was silent for a moment save for the splash of water that came with Kuroo adjusting himself around his boyfriend.

"I made you an appointment with an orthopedic specialist," Kuroo rumbled behind his ear.

Kenma's eyes opened.

"...Like a surgeon?"

The pro gamer slash business savant had been avoiding doing anything about his hand for literally _years_. This was partially because doctors made him kind of anxious and partially because he vehemently hated speaking to people on the phone to set anything up. He rarely even called _Kuroo_ and he kind of liked the guy. Usually he just had his virtual assistant call to schedule stuff for him, but this didn't include anything health-related because that felt like a really awkward thing to ask someone to do.

"It's just a consultation babe. It might be an easy fix with stretches or a brace or whatever. No surgery needed," his boyfriend reassured him. "And you were never going to call if I didn't Kenma."

"I know…"

"And we probably should have done this the last time it got really bad."

"Yea…"

“And I love you," Kuroo reasoned optimistically, setting yet another gentle kitten kiss on the exposed ridge of his neck bordering his shoulder.

"Thanks… I need to hear that sometimes," Kenma admitted, melting even farther down into the hot water. He tried to push the Schrödinger's cat carpal tunnel situation farther away in his mind so that he could focus. Right now he was here at home, laying in the bath, wrapped safely in his boyfriend's stupid sexy arms.

"I thought you might in case your telepathy was acting up again," the tall cat chuckled. 

“I love you too you know," the small cat sighed, his damp head now sinking so low it was parallel with Kuroo's freshly-shaven chest and brown perky nipples. A few long locks of black and blonde floated weightless in the lavender-scented lagoon.

“I know you do," Kuroo hummed against his wet roots, resting his head atop his boyfriend's and mindlessly drawing circles on the sensitive round curve of his little gamer belly below the water. 

Kenma closed his eyes again wondering what he had ever done to deserve this man who loved him so persistently through all these odd, yet undeniably sweet ways. He didn't know the answer, but he did resolve to make Kuroo's birthday just as special by spoiling the ever-living hell out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't think Kuroo was a massive embarrassing dork before I certainly hope this has helped change your mind! And apparently Queen and BSB are popular at karaoke, go figure...
> 
> But seriously, thank you kind folks for patiently waiting while I got my shit together on this. The holidays took a beating on my time and then to top it off just when I thought I was done one chapter it turned into TWO. So there you have it, world-famous Kuroken running their mouths and once again proving that I have no self control when it comes to containing them.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! If so, let me know what you think because all feedback goes into a Kuroken bank that randomly spits out more fics in the future hehe... Also, the spice is up next I promise 👌


	5. High Score

“...So are you going to take that off?”

“Hm?” 

Kuroo paused the towel he was using to vigorously dry his crazed hair as the tub drained behind him.

Kenma’s golden eyes flickered up to meet his, eyebrows raising expectantly. The new soft bath towel that was stretched over his head and around his body made him look like a little ghost.

“What? The eyeliner?"

"Duh."

"No, Kenma, I’m not," Kuroo half snorted at the apparent foolishness of this question and continued to dry his fluffy tufts. "This was _your_ wish and I’ll see to it that you get all nineteen of them for the entirety of your sacred day of birth. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I preemptively nerfed all your wishes like that?”

“Okay…" Kenma chose his words carefully. "Then I wish for you to take that stuff off before you get too tired and lazy to do anything about it...”

“Duly noted. I’ll add it to next year’s wishlist."

“Oh my god…”

Kenma turned away from him to snag his phone off the vanity while he air dried under his towel, but a snickering still completely nude Kuroo caught him by the forearms then pulled him into a damp, rowdy hug.

"Why do you put up with me and my metro ass, huh?" The blocker asked, razzing his knuckles along his boyfriend's shoulder blades through the cotton.

"You take care of yourself... usually. There's nothing wrong with that," Kenma shrugged in his arms. "And you have a nice butt."

"You know it's always yours for the taking Kenma~" Kuroo chimed in near sing-song. "You even had it as a wish! Sorta. Let's see… Here we go. February 3, 10:57 PM: _'I need to pounce you more often.'_ And I said, _'You're more than welcome to,'_ and then you said, _'Rollover.'"_

"I fucked you twice?" 

Although it wasn't entirely unusual for Kenma to top when he had enough motivation or energy to, he couldn't recall ever double-dipping on it before. Kuroo sometimes did when they'd been apart for a while or were particularly extra horny, though usually they'd just wait until later in the day to do it again. Quite frankly, he was pretty sure he'd remember pegging his own boyfriend twice in one go (or his messed up wrists would at least). Kuroo tended to get unforgettably vocal when Kenma was giving him D.

"Well, I mean you _tried,_ but you were really sleepy after the first time so it was more like you humped me again for thirty seconds and then passed out cold. Don't worry though, I still cuddled you," Kuroo explained proudly.

Kenma gave him an unimpressed look and then finally unwrapped himself from his ghostie cocoon to dry the clinging water droplets from his pale skinny legs.

"You know I would, but—"

"I know you're tired babe. I get it. I wanted you to relax, that's my fault there," Kuroo cut him off sincerely. "But I think we could try something a little different if you want to. Hardly any energy required on your end and ass-conquering orgasmic fun times for Little Kenma and the boys."

"That seems like an over promise..." Kenma mumbled as he transitioned to brushing out his long wet strands of black and blonde.

"It's one of your wishes _thooouugh,_ " Kuroo somehow sang and whined at the same time.

Kenma squinted and pulled a power move by shoving his hand over the persistent horndog's mouth. 

Naturally, Kuroo licked it.

"Ew, come _on,"_ the small cat recoiled instantly, reaching for a fresh hand towel on the counter between their sinks.

"But Little Kenma wants to give it a go—look!"

Both cats glanced down to find that Kenma was in fact sporting the beginnings of a hard-on already with his sweetly modest cock perking up at the promise of "orgasmic fun times." Why was his body always a traitor siding with Kuroo like this?

"Will you stop calling it 'Little Kenma?' My cousins still call me that..."

"Kenma junior then."

"No."

"Pickle Kenma."

_"No."_

"Pickle _Kyanma."_

"What the— _NO_. You are such a butt, can't you even—"

"Oyaaa, I'm sorry, sorry! I'll shut up!" Kuroo laughed deeply and once again wrestled Kenma by the arms as he tried to exit their shiny new bathroom.

"Seriously, though!" The far too energetic blocker continued instead of shutting up. "I can't remember the last time you got to go to pound town on this fine booty and since it won't require a lot from you other than _this_ bad boy I think you'll like what I have in mind."

The former setter stilled his resistance as Kuroo very nonchalantly unfolded his large bath-warm fingers over Kenma's rapidly gravity-defying dick and then proceeded to palm his entire package in little fluid waves of teasing affection. Flashbacks of the last time he topped his boyfriend stirred in his mind. 

Truth be told, he loved the unintended power trip he got from absolutely destroying Kuroo in bed. Kenma knew this and Kuroo certainly knew this too otherwise he wouldn't be suggesting it right now. He also loved the insanely tight, slick heat that Kuroo's happy cock-loving ass provided while he fucked him properly senseless. And he would be lying if he said he didn't get some sort of smug satisfaction from his boyfriend's O face because as much as Kuroo teased him for his repertoire of too-honest looks the roosterhead himself was a goddamn periodic table of emotional expression. Over the years, it had become Kenma's silent quest to slowly unlock as many of his lover's facial elements as possible—experiments in Tetsurou's "sexpressions" so to speak. However, there was one teeny tiny snag that frequently prevented him from making too much headway on this mini game.

Kenma was allergic to cardio.

Metaphorically speaking that is. Specifically, he had sacrificed a large portion of his younger years to Kuroo and the merciless fitness gods and although he didn't regret that at all (in fact, he was grateful in many ways) he was also not interested in physically exhausting himself on a regular basis like that anymore. Like, period. For one, he was too old (he told himself despite only being in his late twenties). And two, he became exhausted even just watching snippets of MSBY games Shouyou sent him every so often when he was trying to prove that he was still interesting and worth the annual sponsorship dollars BB Corp threw his way each year.

"I don't know…" Kenma sighed despite becoming exponetially horiner by the second with his boyfriend's huge hand groping his cock and balls so casually confident like this. "My arms are total crap when it comes to topping you. I think I was hocked up on like three energy drinks, a market bump, and a winning streak last time and it still messed me up for days... You know I'm not good at it..."

"And I've told you a billion and fifty four times Kenma; you just need some _very_ light weight training, even once a week—"

"Wrong answer."

Although his desperate semi disagreed vehemently, Kenma tried to continue his naked shuffle out of the bathroom but ever the annoying blocker that he was Kuroo caught him firmly by his boney slumped shoulders. Then the hefty warmth of his boyfriend's own perfectly thickening hard-on grinded up in a few devilish thrusts beside his own. 

It was super effective. 

Kenma resented this.

"Wanna actually play a round before you review, post, and downvote, boss?" Kuroo murmured in sultry amused temptation.

"I don't ever downvote you, you know that..." 

They stood pressed together in silence. Kenma was sure Kuroo could feel his rapidly disturbed pulse throbbing up through his dick at this point. But his boyfriend did suddenly still against him, cockhead resting in the dip of his own mochi soft stomach.

"Kenma," the wildly fluff-dried tall cat said in a more serious yet even softer tone. "Really, we can do whatever you want in bed or out of it. It makes no difference to me. We could go watch another season of _Dining with the Chef_ for all I care."

The small cat's pensive listening face framed by layers of brushed-straight damp hair crinkled instantly into a look of pure disgust.

A loud, amused laugh rumbled above him.

"Look, I'm saying it's totally up to you birthday boy," Kuroo tried to smile and kiss his forehead at the same time but gave up and opted for nuzzling it with his nose instead.

"...What did you have in mind?" Kenma tried to say without huffing out his breath which was damn near impossible with his boyfriend now continuing to subtly rock his hips into him despite his lip service to neutrality.

"Come play and find out," Kuroo grinned mischievously.

—

The blocker wasted no time pulling his lover by the hand back into their bedroom which was now lit by the glow of the bathroom alone since the autumn sun had gone to bed far earlier than usual.

For the first time in quite a long time, Kenma sort of felt like he was an awkwardly excited horny teen again on a quest to get frisky with Kuroo without getting caught. The promise of something "a little different" felt oddly alluring even though he generally disliked unpredictability. Sure he loved their usual quickie grinding for orgasmic XP starring Kuroo's multi-talented and award-winning dick, but there was something to be said for the renewed butterfly palpitations he was having all the way from his heart to his groin as his boyfriend eagerly ushered him towards their bed.

Gracelessly, Kuroo plunked his toned ass on the edge of their comforter and then pulled both of Kenma's hands close in to him until the naked little half blonde stood between his thick thighs. Because he was so tall he still had access to begin lapping a slow pattern of eager kisses along his boyfriend's delicate collarbone earning him a very low groan of indignant approval.

"You're so beautiful when your hair's still wet," Kuroo's deep voice crooned as he sucked a salty hickey into the pulse at his throat. A hand was still threaded through his companion's much smaller one while the other lifted to brush the clinging damp strands away from reflective golden eyes.

"Am not," Kenma refuted in a soft broken pant, but those ever-dexterous fingers cupped his face. An action which was contrasted by the rough kiss that parted his compliment-denying lips. Their short puffs of labored breath were wildfire against the open air chill of sensitive goosebumped skin.

"Are too," his boyfriend insisted with an edge of that heavy lust-thick sex drawl he pulled out whenever he really wanted to get Kenma seriously wet for him. Much to Kenma's frequent annoyance, it had a terrifyingly high accuracy rate.

Kuroo's tongue flitted inside to tumble softly with his companion's before rolling into laps of smooth, rhythmic silk. His ornery teeth snagged Kenma's lower lip earning him a lovely little involuntary keening sound from deep within his boyfriend's now patchily marked throat. 

At this Kenma felt another chaotic rush of desire flood his groin, boosting his now full-fledged erection and making him jerk uselessly into Kuroo's stomach as he stood before him on the bed. For balance, he clutched the broad solid shoulders which had carried him home on more than one occasion over the years. If one looked very carefully in just the right light they'd see that Kuroo still had the scar he'd accidentally given him when they were kids tucked just between his shoulder joint and collarbone. It was a visual reminder to Kenma that even though they bickered sometimes to the point of blind absurdity Kuroo would always drop everything (often literally) if he was in trouble. He'd always trusted these shoulders and the boy-turned-man that they belonged to.

Speaking of scars, the one thing Kuroo nearly always kept his mouth shut about were Kenma's unintended claws which currently were digging into his back as he held on for stability. He continued his thorough tonguework and let his hot, reverent palms roam freely over the velvet planes of Kenma's thighs until they found a particularly gorgeous spot where his thumbs hooked into the dip of his hip bones. Long fingers trailed around to grip the delicate curve of his bottom, pressing deep into the layers of bruise-sensitive flesh that Kuroo so often had the exclusive privilege of destroying in the best ways possible. This ass had taken his world-conquering dick (Kenma's humor, not his) so well and so many times over the years that it was only fair to return the favor once in a while. If he wanted to that was.

Suddenly, Kuroo's arms squeezed tight below his boyfriend's cute buttcheeks tipping him up until they fell backwards onto the bed. Their bodies melted together in holy sweaty union, cocks sandwiched hard between contrasting slabs of belly fat and finely-cut muscle. The bed-headed fool experimentally thrust his hips upwards making Kenma cling to him for again.

"You could have me like this," Kuroo teased naughtily as he dry humped his boyfriend from below. 

Although "dry" probably was not the best word to describe the situation because Kenma's dick was currently smearing a decent amount of precum into his washboard belly button and Kuroo's own far too excited cock was doing the same to Kodzuken's world-famous balls. Oddly enough, this was an actual phrase rooted in the fact that Kenma didn't take jack shit from trash-talkers in game so his clapback dry sarcasm had given birth to a variety of memes involving said "world-famous balls" of steel. Kuroo enjoyed every single one of these but he was no longer allowed to mention them in bed because it usually made him laugh so hard he sounded like an ill hyena which was not Kenma's preferred state to bonk in.

"Or…" The blocker continued tempestuously, hiking up his solid grip underneath the fleshy peaches of sweet Kenma booty.

Then just as suddenly as before Kuroo rolled them over completely onto the center of the bed, pinning Kenma below him against the grainy geometric plush of their comforter. Long hair fanned out beneath the former setter in a half-dried tussle of blonde tips and midnight roots that stopped giving a fuck a long time ago.

"Or I could ride you like this," Kuroo whispered huskily into his boyfriend's ear, once again sending a hot pulse of electric desire through to his nether region.

_Oh._

That...

Hm. 

Kenma recalled them trying this exactly once before back in Kuroo and Daichi's tiny apartment (sans roommate clearly) and it did not end well. Although the view of Kuroo's weighty, wanting cock bobbing up and down on top of him was glorious, the blocker had practically _crushed_ Kenma's pelvis from the sheer bulky heaviness of his much larger form and they ended up having to change positions anyway. Truthfully, the gamer did appreciate any opportunity to get balls deep into Kuroo's mighty fine ass but more frequently than not it involved having to prop himself up long enough for them to both come which is why Kenma topping in any capacity simply wasn't their go-to sex position. His endurance was absolute shit compared to Mr. I-Still-Run-Every-Day-and-Hit-the-Gym-Four-Times-a-Week. 

But it was his birthday… and he _did_ really want to fuck him.

Molten gold irises peered up at the visage of taunt muscle, wild black rooster fringe, and bold smoldering cat eyes all prowled in an erotic crouch above him. The chiseled arms that were significantly stronger than his own caged him in on both sides as his boyfriend's ass and balls grinded down on him in heavenly sinful little thrusts. 

"Okay," Kenma breathed in a hush. "But don't crush me."

Kuroo's lips carefully pressed soft and understanding against his own.

"As you wish," he murmured into his mouth, chasing his words with a skillful tongue.

—

What Kenma didn't quite expect next was the slightly awkward balancing act of Kuroo trying to lube and finger himself while he was still precariously hovering on top of him.

"Just let me do it," the semi blonde huffed impatiently.

"No, you're the birthday boy," Kuroo shot back, eyes pinched shut as he tried to concentrate on relaxing and arguing and getting more than one digit in.

"I am, so let me do it before I turn fifty," Kenma groaned, beginning to feel overstimulated with the lustful ache in his man parts which were screaming at him to (literally) hurry the fuck up.

The small cat managed to swipe the lube from his lover's reach and proceeded to squirt far too much of it out onto his hands and a bit on the bed. Folding them together he warmed it first before quickly slicking up his boyfriend's cock and his own. Another few pumps of lube later his hand found itself cupping up beneath his boyfriend's weighty balls and sensitive strip of taint before honing in on the puckered skin of Kuroo's long neglected butthole. 

Kuroo stilled above him. Rigid and seemingly holding his breath despite that being the exact opposite of what he ought to be doing at the moment.

"Are you sure?" Kenma murmured even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes, Kenma. God. Please. Yes," Kuroo whined hastily, perhaps because his boyfriend was merely teasing him with those slick, warm fingers circling his hole. "I want to. I'm good. Are you good?"

"I'm good," the gamer agreed, pausing to ease his middle finger slightly into the one place where he really wanted something else to be right now.

"Cool beans," the bed-headed nerd snarked as his ass gingerly bore down on the welcome intrusion.

Although he felt a kind of lust-driven impatience, Kenma took the time to methodically work him open just like Kuroo always did for him. His wrist would probably feel like shit again later but it would be nothing compared to having to hold himself up if he were literally topping tonight. One by one the gamer added more silky slick fingers which were greedily sucked inside by muscle and desire. 

Kuroo moaned low and long and hauntingly beautiful when Kenma was in as deep as his digits could go. 

Gradually the small cat withdrew his fingers, patting the tall cat's buttcheek twice as praise once they were out. Kuroo roughly kissed his cheekbone which was apparently a distraction tactic in order to reclaim the lube. 

Before Kenma could react, Kuroo's slippery hot palm closed around his cockhead, thumbing at his wet slit and ridge of perfect suckable skin before smoothing down his length. He pumped him up and down as if he were doubling checking that all systems were go.

Kenma pinched his ass.

"Okay, okay," Kuroo gruffly laughed, situating his cheeks to line up with his boyfriend's poor deprived manhood.

When his head penetrated him, the blocker paused for a moment before continuing to swallow his boyfriend's dick millimeter by painstakingly slow millimeter. Kenma breathed in a sharp gasp once he was fully seated, likewise Kuroo groaned much louder now at the fullness of his companion who people often joked about being a "small guy." But those idiots never had the experience of taking said "small guy's" not so small full-blown erection up their ass so they could kindly piss off with that nonsense.

A tender hand brushed the bangs up off Kuroo's face. It gave him a moment to breathe in deeply, leaning into the touch and closing his heavily accentuated cat eyes. He took this gesture as the non-verbal signal that it was to keep going. Kenma's touches, in all their forms, often spoke far louder than his words.

Elbows digging deep into the bed, the well-toned blocker held his body in a half plank position as he began to slide up and down his boyfriend's hungry cock. Kenma's smearing fingers tried to take hold of his powerful thighs but they kept losing their grip to sweat and leftover lube. Kuroo himself couldn't help the not-so-little ragged _nngghs_ and _aahhhs_ escaping his lips as he began picking up a steady cadence of pounding thrusts that soon turned more frantic when he heard Kenma choke on a pleasure-filled gasp.

Internally, Kenma was losing his shit.

It was all the incredible solar fireworks-level of pleasure that came with giving it to Kuroo with _none_ of the hard work or heavy lifting that always seemed to either shorten their sexy times or make him pay for it later with an assortment of craptacular muscle pain. His companion's far more athletically blessed and gym-maintained body pumped itself over and over on his now completely blissed out dick. Closing his eyes only magnified the overwhelming heady musk of sex and sweat and cotton sheets that were clean but soon wouldn't be. He loved it, all of it. All of Kuroo and all of the sensations overtaking his scrawny body that told him to let go, just feel, don't think. 

But he couldn't quite help the last one.

Was… 

Was Kuroo really getting to enjoy any of this too?

Normally if Kenma were the one pleasuring Kuroo he would be physically on top of him or at the very least side by side. And this shouldn't have mattered at all but somehow it did because now he was pinned down and he couldn't really _move_ as much as he felt he ought to. While he was grateful to try this dynamic again and rewrite their failed attempt in college, he wondered if it was as enjoyable for Kuroo to be so in control while also getting dicked so hard that his brain might cease to function any second now. 

Kenma huffed out a little muffled sigh among the litany of other tiny involuntary sex sounds Kuroo was actively trying to get out of him for bonus ego points. He still wasn't the best at verbally communicating even in normal everyday conversations but if there was one thing he had promised Kuroo after the shitshow that their raging teenage hormones put them through it was that he would always try even if it was uncomfortable or sort of weird.

The operative word being _try._

"Uhm... hgn… hgnn…" Kenma puffed out heavy breaths of nonsense as he attempted to collect his thoughts and pause the fucking amazing sensation of Kuroo's incredibly tight and toned ass bouncing at a steady pace atop his hips. 

"Ngghh..?" Kuroo grunted, his eyes shut tight in concentration, his rock hard thighs working overtime to keep from completely crushing his lover like he promised.

"K-kuro, Kuroo- _ooooh,"_ Kenma half choked on his own saliva as his boyfriend ever so slightly shifted his knees in the sheets resulting in a new and wonderful angle that threatened to derail his train of thought.

God, Kuroo was good even when he was getting wrecked from below on his own fuck power.

Crap, he needed to _focus_. Focus...

"Haa… haa… I-uhm… Shit, you're too good at this," Kenma groaned in insufferable honesty.

"You mhnn… You okay?" The tall cat slowed down to an even pause and jerk rhythm that was somehow even worse in terms of decreasing the amount of time between now and Kenma's impending orgasm.

"I, uh—is this good for you?" The small cat blurted out, ending on a slightly high-pitched note as Kuroo hitched down particularly hard. His poor giant lonely dick bobbed and leaked helplessly between their stomachs. 

"Why? Is it—" Kuroo's breath caught a snag. "Is it good for you?"

"That's not what I— _auuughhhh,"_ Kenma groaned deeply this time, reveling in the ineffable sensation of Kuroo clenching tighter around him which created even more epic friction for his massively spoiled birthday boner.

Kuroo, the perceptive soul that he was, knew that this particular moan meant that he had riled his boyfriend up to an imminent climax—victory within striking distance. So close to scoring the winning point.

"What is it? _Ahh aghhhnnnn,"_ the blocker ground out and then gasped sharply as he slammed down forcefully enough that Kenma finally, _finally_ hit his prostate in an addictive sudden crush of euphoric harmony.

"S'good," Kenma breathed open-mouthed with eyes pinched shut as Kuroo rode him harder and harder chasing what they both wanted so badly. "Y-you?"

The sound that came out of Kuroo's mouth was something between a guffaw, a gasp, and an indignant tsk. 

_"Nine,_ " Kuroo moaned dramatically like he was truly suffering now, rocking them so vigorously that the headboard was hitting the wall. 

Kenma nearly lost hold of his grip on his lover's scratch-streaked thighs.

"W-what?"

"Nnnnh, _fuck,"_ Tetsurou cursed in a trailing hiss.

"Ku—" 

But then the universe and all its celestial bodies clicked into place as his boyfriend's massive cock shot an impressive line of pearlescent man cream onto his belly. His ass continued to fuck down empathically as the dregs of his cum painted him in wild, rapturous pleasure.

Exactly five seconds later Kuroo unlocked his achievement as Kenma's balls tightened sending unhinged ecstasy up his shaft and out into the deep secret place that belonged to him alone forever. Kenma's barely audible moan was long and satisfied as he completely emptied inside his nonsensical lover.

Kuroo collapsed, though he had the decency to unsheath his boyfriend and roll to the side. 

The ceiling was much darker than before. It took a minute before either of them felt coherent enough to speak. Though even if he could, Kuroo respected their post-sex ritual of shutting up until Kenma was ready.

"Sorry," Kuroo breathed.

Well, usually he respected it.

"For?" Kenma panted, eyes still closed as he soaked in the nirvana of his orgasm.

"You didn't get to come first," the tall cat sort of pouted. A sweaty palm smeared his makeup as he rubbed his eye. 

Lazy golden eyes opened wide enough to send a critical look his boyfriend's way.

"I always come first though," the small cat noted.

"Right. As you should."

"Is this some kind of bullshit perfectionist code of gentleman honor thing?"

"It's not bullshit, you deserve to come first but I couldn't, uh… I couldn't hold it."

With the energy Kenma had saved by not having to top in the traditional sense, he rolled to his side and studied the dark ruined eyeliner smudged across his boyfriend's angular face.

"Stop," the semi blonde whispered, kissing Kuroo's nose which did not have makeup on it. "It was really good. You got the high score. I promise."

"Really?" Kuroo asked, highly skeptical, but also slightly hopeful at the same time.

"Yes," Kenma blissfully sighed with a tiny roll of his eyes.

The silence of their shadowy warm room was comfortable between them, although it absolutely smelled like they did the nasty so that would have to be fixed before Kenma slept in these sheets tonight.

"Wait, did you ever…"

"Hm?" The roosterhead opened one bleary and terribly smeared cat eye.

"When you blew me this morning," Kenma remembered. "What wish was that?"

Kuroo laughed his tired laugh which meant his eyes crinkled and it still startled Kenma slightly, but it wasn't nearly as loud or annoying as his jubilant trademark hyena cackle.

"You really want to know?" His boyfriend chuckled, reaching a long arm over to his nightstand to grab his phone.

"May 13, 10:39 PM: _“Yea, I wish I could last longer than four minutes…”_

“So you…”

“I figured you’d last a whole lot longer if I was particularly slow about it,” Kuroo grinned, nuzzling his nose against Kenma's cheek then pecking a quick kiss there.

"Did you do the same just now?"

"No, did that seem slow to you?"

"Yea."

"Well, tell that to my premature ejaculation."

"God, you're so clinical."

"Clinically oxytocined and well-fucked. Thank you birthday cowboy."

Kenma hit his boyfriend's chest… then decided to snuggle up against it.

"Thank you for all my wishes," he murmured into Tetsurou's tan, perky man nips as he laid in the crook between his boyfriend's biceps and his ribs.

"Anything for you babe," Kuroo sleepily kissed his hair which had long dried during their fun time romp.

"You know you'll have to do clean up this time," Kenma reminded him because for once it wasn't his butt on the line.

"Kay," the blocker hummed.

"You need to wash this off too," the former setter brushed a thumb over the racoon-like smears above his cheekbones.

"Mmhmm," Kuroo purred.

"You're not getting up, are you?"

That ornery cheshire smile of blissed-out satisfaction appeared as Kuroo nuzzled another quick, purposeful kiss onto Kenma's head. Within a minute, the blocker fell asleep cradling the one thing he personally had wished for every day of his adult life and would wish for in all the days to follow.

Kenma sighed, mildly irritated but also more relaxed and thoroughly connected physically and emotionally to Kuroo than he'd felt in a while. 

A few minutes later he peeled his face off of Kuroo's warm boob and went to the bathroom. Checking his phone his eyes widened at all the additional birthday well wishes he'd received from fans in the form of countless posts, gifs, articles, video messages, and even Kodzuken birthday fanart which they must have just done on the fly today since it had been a graveyard secret before Kuroo opened the floodgates that morning.

But… maybe it wasn't such a horrible thing that they all knew. Maybe he had been overreacting. Maybe they wouldn't have to move to avoid stalkers.

After taking a super quick shower, the small cat returned to their bed where Kuroo laid zoned out and fully, flaccidly naked atop their now sex-stained covers. Carefully he wiped the ridiculous makeup from his boyfriend's face with a warm washcloth, then kissed his whole world and the only wish he'd ever truly wanted goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is why I can never seem to write for timed events 😅 But better late than never, right? Kenma got his birthday wishes and then some I'd say.
> 
> Hope it was a fun read for you and if so I'd love to hear about it! Thanks so much for reading ❤ If you need more Kuroken please feel free to check out my other disgustingly domestic bantery fics.
> 
> And if you like the [Twitter](https://twitter.com/avogara) I'm a bit of a ghost retweeter there but eventually there may be content if I can find time. So little time, so many catboys...


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